However the phrase New Beginnings implies you draw a line under something and start again. But I don’t see it like that. To me you are still continuing the same journey, just with new motivations or skills – or both.

Regular readers of this blog will know my life has undergone some big changes in recent years – kick-started by getting treatment for a drink problem in 2016.

But I’m still me. Still Sam the wife, mother, friend. I live in the same house. Have the same career. I still love cats and cake and coffee. I still make lumpy mashed potato and dance as if no one is watching when a disco tune comes on the radio.

But spiritually, mentally, emotionally I have started over –  things have fundamentally changed, due to the skills that addiction treatment, mindfulness and Buddhism taught me.

Take a health crisis I had shortly before Christmas. I suffered unexpected side effects from a medical procedure. It was scary. Yet I handled it so much better than I would have done a few years ago.  In the past I would have catastrophized the situation and held it up as something really major – and I would have nurtured huge resentments over what had happened. Why me?

But Buddhism has taught me that life is full of ups and downs, so don’t attach to either. Good things happen and then pass. Bad ones do too. So, after the initial upset that perspective has really helped me through this challenging time.

Then there is AA  – that organisation has taught me to accept the things I cannot change. And that’s what I have done. Instead of continuing to cry about the “what if”s” and  “it’s not fair”s I’ve accepted what happened.

And that is how I now deal with the ups and downs of my writing career. Since I focused on my mental health,  I have gained the ability to create distance between me and areas of my life that are sometimes stressful – to realise that if one book doesn’t do as well as another, for example, it’s not my fault. The universe isn’t out to get me. It’s just the way a writing career rolls. Of course, sometimes I get upset – I’m only human – but I re-calibrate, I re-center myself so much more quickly than I used to.

Learning about gratitude has been a massive help too and overall I’m just hugely grateful for the success I’ve had and the fact I am doing a job I love.

So if you want to change your life… if you feel unhappy with the status quo but are unable to move to that cottage by the sea or leave that demanding job or land an agent… don’t feel hopeless. New Beginnings are VERY possible just by changing the way you deal with the world and other people. Sometimes external change DOES need to happen – but  may not be possible straightaway.

So changing internally will help you cope until you are able to alter the situation you are in.

Changing your inside will help you cope with the outside. There is a saying in AA – “It doesn’t get better, but you do”.

And if you could have moved to that cottage by the sea it might have proved lonely. Gaining a less demanding job might not have satisfied you intellectually. That may not have been the right agent for you. The life outside of you is, to some degree, out of your control and will suffer peaks and troughs whatever happens. And accepting that alone has been one of the most important realisations for me. These days there are so many expectations out there that we should be happy, happy, happy, the whole time –  so that when something goes wrong we feel as if it shouldn’t have.

But take a step back from that point of view. Is it logical? NO. Bereavement happens. So do fall-outs. Redundancy. Rejections. Ill health. World crises. Life is about joyous times, but hard ones as well. And once you accept that, the difficult times can be easier to manage because you don’t feel quite as targeted.

So why not approach this year by joining a mindfulness class? Or writing a daily gratitude journal?

The New Beginnings that really matter are the ones that take place inside. Fundamentally changing your thought processes and perspective is like magic and really can see you through anything.

Best of luck. And have a wonderful 2020!

“This year I will get published.”

“This year I’ll stop drinking.”

Over the years I’ve pledged to reach career heights or sort out all my mental health issues within the space of twelve months.

And every time I’ve failed to reach my set goal. Is it any wonder?

I’d advise you to look carefully at any resolution you make and give it a good edit. Pare it down to the minimum – otherwise you are going to end up disheartened and disappointed.

Let’s take my example of pledging to get published. For a number of years I vowed I would accomplish this but it’s impossible. It didn’t matter how hard I worked, so much of achieving that target is out of an author’s control. Your manuscript has to fall into the hands of the right agent and publisher, and for commercial fiction it has to be suited to the market and your writing needs to be at the top of your game…

So, in time, I learned to make my writing resolutions more realistic. For example “This year I will polish my manuscript and send it out to ten agents” or “This year I will enter some writing competitions and if I can save enough money pay have an editorial report done on my current work-in-progress.” There are many steps to getting published and it is far more satisfying, as time passes, to tick off each one as you accomplish it. Appreciating the journey and looking at it as a series of smaller parts will make it far more likely you’ll reach that ultimate destination.

And this applies once you have signed your first publishing contract. Hands up, secretly I still covet that film deal and stroll down the red carpet. But if I made that my New Year’s resolution, the likelihood is I’m going to feel like a massive failure by the end of the year when I haven’t cast Jason Momoa in the lead of my latest novel or been interviewed on Graham Norton’s sofa!

My resolutions to stop drinking were also unrealistic. Like publishing, the journey to sobriety is made up of many steps. But I’d try in one giant leap and just stop point blank without changing any other aspect of my life. Of course, I would fall off the wagon by the end of January (or often its first week) and feel like a complete loser. Addiction services and AA helped me to refine and edit my goals.

For example, I had quirky routines around my drinking and one was that I’d never allow myself to start before 6.40pm. So a first step – a first resolution, a first small change – was to break this habit by going for a coffee, having a bath, cooking or taking up a hobby at that specific time each day, instead. And doing this was the first step to stopping drinking all together. Each day I managed this, it inspired me to continue my journey.

So go and edit your resolution. Step back from the bigger picture. Analyse exactly what it is you really need to do, to reach your ultimate target. For example to you need to lose two stone? Perhaps resolve to cut out snacks and get off the bus one stop early to walk, as a starting point, instead of embarking on a crash diet.

The photo below is of a writer who’s had highs and lows but has learnt to appreciate ALL the special moments along the way, big or small, such as great reader feedback, foreign rights sales or simply an editor’s enthusiasm. It’s also of a woman who this week turned two years sober. Oh I slipped after three months, and picked up again – that taught me a lot. And I still have days where I want to drown my problems in a bottle of wine. But I don’t. I continue to pursue my goal, one day and one task at a time, relishing the smaller milestones and victories that keep pushing me forwards to living my dream.

And – most importantly of all –  I don’t beat myself if I fail at the target I’ve set myself.

As Nelson Mandela once said:

“I never lose. I either win or learn.”

Here are the most stand-out elements of the knowledge I’ve gained.

There is no such thing as normal – you will often hear someone with poor mental health enviously say they wish they were normal. It’s a false aspiration because every person has their story behind the scenes. Normality cannot be defined and therefore doesn’t exist. A better word to use is “ordinary”. And ordinary life it one to be valued where the small things matter like a beautiful sunrise or kind gesture.  One key to good mental health is learning to be satisfied with the great things you’ve already got that you may be overlooking; and realising you don’t need to chase the high life to be happy.

Mother Nature has wired us think negatively –  to protect us from taking risks. Once you recognise this you are given the power to understand your negative thinking and dismiss it. So try to identify those voices that are holding you back; telling you to be afraid of trying something new – telling you that you won’t be any good. Mother Nature was right to make us wary when we went hunting – but it’s less relevant if it’s about contacting a potential agent or going on a first date.

Other types of negative thinking can be disarmed once they see them for what they are. For example mindreading – thinking  you know what other people are thinking. Say a friend walks down the street and ignores you, an immediate assumption might be that you’ve done something wrong and your self-esteem plummets. The thing is, you don’t have a crystal ball and don’t know the truth. Perhaps your friend didn’t see you or is simply having a bad day. And try not to label yourself. “I’m a bad person”. And ditch black and white thinking, like “I never get things right”. You’re human. Sometimes you will make mistakes. This doesn’t define you.

Mindfulness has taught me to live in the present and this helps mental health enormously. You can’t change the past so don’t let it fester. You can’t predict the future so there’s no point thinking about it. Took a bad interview yesterday? It’s over. Move on. Convinced you’ll fail the one tomorrow. You don’t know that so there is no point worrying. All of this seems very easy to say, but from personal experience I know that it really is possible, over time, to retrain your mind.

Buddhism has taught me not to attach to the good or bad times. A spate of great book reviews? Enjoy but it may not last. A poor sales ranking? That won’t last forever either. Any career – like life – enjoys peaks and suffers troughs. Buddhism has made me realise that attachment – to anything – brings expectations and that can lead to disappointment, feeling like a failure and low self-esteem if things don’t go to plan. I find it’s much healthier if I accept that life – health, careers, relationships – is fluid and ever-changing. This is especially useful if I suffer a set-back. I now have the perspective to look back and see the proof that terrible things may happen but life does move forwards again, eventually.

Talking really is good – for years I hid my eating disorder issues and later my problems with alcohol. I ended up feeling as if I was leading a double life. People have said I’m brave for coming out about my poor mental health but, to be honest, it just feels like a massive relief. And it’s been humbling, since speaking publicly, how many people have contacted me privately to share their problems. It’s worrying, as well, that they feel they have to hide their conditions. We wouldn’t hide an arthritic hand or sickness bug. We shouldn’t have to hide illnesses of the mind.

I learnt that treatment can be hard to get. I wasn’t at the end of the alcoholic spectrum, drinking 24/7 and needing a detox, and therefore my path wasn’t straightforward. Alcohol services have been cut and certainly in my locality funding for patients not as far into addiction has been lost. And it’s also a well-documented fact that nationally the treatment available for eating disorder sufferers is dismal, even though out of all mental illnesses it’s the one with the highest suicide rate…

BUT

I feel positive about the future – finally people are being more open. Talking about poor mental health is the only way we can get rid of stigma and save lives. It’s the only way governments will realise more needs to be done. And that’s one reason I’m so glad my new novel, Forgive Me Not, is getting into the hands of readers. I hope it offers an insight into addiction and the related mental health issues.

So if you’re going through a difficult time, don’t be ashamed of feeling down. Statistics prove you are far from alone. Open up. Tell someone. And begin your journey to getting better.

I’m exceptionally grateful for the treatment and support I’ve had. During the process of recovery I’ve learnt a lot about how to cope with the stresses and strains of modern life, thanks to group therapy, counselling, AA, Buddhism and mindfulness.

A large positive is that I’m now learning to deal – it’s still a work in progress – much better with my career as an author. So, fellow writers, here are my top tips for keeping yourself safe from poor mental health.

Firstly manage your expectations. Before I got published I used to dream about signing a movie deal and would imagine myself on a red carpet. If you do this you’re setting yourself up for failure. Film rights sell but the movie you fantasise about rarely comes to fruition. So don’t start off by coveting the success of the biggest bestselling authors. Just finishing  a manuscript is a huge achievement, let alone getting it published. Take your career step by step – it’s a cliche but I visualise mine as a ladder. You eventually bag an agent. Or a publisher. Perhaps both. Your first book is out. Then your second. Then another. Perhaps one or more of your books appear in foreign languages or audio format. You gain a bestseller flag on Amazon. Maybe you win an award.

But none of this is going to happen at once. It’s a long road to writerly success punctuated with disappointments – they are part of the journey. Never forget to appreciate the small things. A positive rejection letter. A good review. A lovely book cover. That was one of my problems before – I was always chasing the bigger picture. I work hard at not doing that now and feel much happier and fulfilled.

Secondly – realise your work is not you. What I mean by this is… if you get a bad review, never forget that is someone’s opinion of your writing, NOT YOU AS A PERSON.  If one of my books sank in the charts, for example, I used to tell myself I had failed. And that led me to seek unhelpful coping mechanisms to make myself feel better, such as drinking or eating junk food.

Nowadays I distance myself and whilst my writing is my vocation, my lifeblood, I try to be more clinical and objective about certain aspects.

And don’t obsess over reviews or rankings. Limit how often you go into Goodreads or onto Amazon.

Thirdly – don’t get carried away with the branding. I used to love promoting my romantic comedies and was a real kittens and cupcakes kind of author. But then, when my mental health became poor, this became tough. I didn’t feel I could talk about the challenges I was facing as they didn’t match that image. An image that was the real me but, as my health failed, didn’t represent the whole. So my advice – some may disagree – is that whilst branding is very important it mustn’t have the final say on how you use social media.

Fourthly – one of the gift’s from AA is the  mantra “Accept the things you cannot change” In the past I used to stew about the what ifs, and if onlys. What’s the point? Now I’ll simply shrug my shoulders – it’s not always easy – and say to myself “It is what it is”. This is extremely liberating and gets rid of the pent up frustration.

This ties into mindfulness – focusing on the present. Had a bad review yesterday? No matter. It’s been and gone. Worried about next week’s book signing? No point. It will be what it will be. Getting anxious and projecting into the future won’t change that. You haven’t got a crystal ball. Don’t fool yourself that you have.

Lastly and on personal note as someone recovering from alcoholism and eating disorders, keep an eye on your drinking and food habits. Alcohol is a big part of the publishing industry. Wine o’clock. Prosecco parties. Boozy book launches. Drinking in moderation, in a social setting is one thing – but drinking to change the way you feel is quite another. If that’s what you are doing you need to see this as a warning sign. I used to drink to further boost the great feeling of a good ranking. Or to make myself feel chirpier after a poor review. Slowly, insidiously this escalated and before I knew it I could find any excuse.

If you do anything – drinking, eating, shopping, gambling – to give yourself a boost, to take the edge off a disappointment, to relax yourself after a busy day, then you are doing it to change the way you feel and need to step back before it becomes addictive and out of control.

Find different, healthier coping mechanisms. Go for a walk. Meet a friend for a chat. Have a candle-lit bath. Learn to meditate.

I love my career and feel blessed to have had so many novels published, to have had bestellers. My writing hasn’t been to blame for my problems. Nothing – no one – is to blame but myself and the way I’ve dealt with challenges. But do yourself a favour and bear these tips in mind. Being an author is a wonderful thing if you have the right tools to deal with the rollercoaster ride.