For over 30 years now I’ve suffered on, and off, with eating disorder issues and these eventually led to a drink problem. At times I’ve felt on top of the world when I’ve been most ill, certainly with the anorexic aspects. I wanted to be thin. I got thin. Mission accomplished. The trouble is, as with any ambition, the goalposts always move.  You’ve got a few pounds you’d like to lose. Getting into that size 12 is great. But perhaps you then decide a size 10 is better, and so on. Like being an author… you get published. Get into the top #100 on Kindle. Next time you want to get into the top #50. Then the top #10. You want foreign deals. You want awards. Your goals move so far away from your original one of simply wanting to see your book out there.

Like the anorexic who looks in the mirror and views themselves as overweight, an author who’s doing SO well can often see themselves as a failure, compared to their contemporaries, perhaps, or when that person at a dinner party asks if they’re earning as much as J K Rowling.

In 2016 I got sober and yes, I felt fantastic and still do on one of my many good days – but, unexpectedly, sobriety brought problems I never foresaw. Relationships changed – I wasn’t the same person. I lost friends. Instead of escaping into a glass of wine I now have to face my problems and triggers head on and deal with them – and deal with the fallout from doing that.

It’s like getting published – you think signing that first contract and stopping the gruelling submission process marks the end of a long and winding, difficult road, and it does, it’s amazing. But, like stopping drinking, it also heralds the beginning of another challenging journey. There are many wonderful moments ahead but negative ones can temper them – bad reviews, poor sales due to reasons out of of your control, deadlines that are stressful to meet.

During lockdown I had the best mental health I’d had for years, not the experience for a lot of people – and it’s taken a few steps backwards since coming out of the pandemic and having to once again face the stresses of modern life. It’s frustrating to return to a position I thought I’d left behind forever. Having longed for freedom when Covid restrictions went on and on, it’s been unexpected.

But it is what it is. I am what I am.

Never let people diminish the way you feel because the way they see you doesn’t reflect your inner world. Those who’ll say “But at least…” They think they’re helping but those words don’t reflect true empathy as they don’t acknowledge that you have valid reasons for finding your situation tough.

A slim person can have a problem with food or body image. A sober person doesn’t always find life 100% easier than before. A person who’s been in lockdown is allowed to find returning to their former unrestricted life challenging. An author who’s had success does have the right to sometimes feel down about their career.

There are no rules. 

One thing I firmly believe is…

Peaks and troughs are part of life. Happiness and unhappiness are part of life. Reaching a peak makes us happy in a way it wouldn’t if we were happy all the time. And the passing of time teaches us that a trough will always end, just as it has before.

But if your trough is so deep you can’t see a way out, TALK TO SOMEONE. That’s what I did in 2016 and I’ve never regretted it. Most of the time I love life now and I love my career. I accept the peaks and troughs and am more successful at not allowing other people to define anything about me. As is said in AA, anyone else’s view of you is none of your business.

Often bulimics or binge-eaters aren’t seen as *ill enough* to warrant medical  help, due to their BMI being classed as normal – due to a tick in a box. And yet the mortality rates amongst those suffering with eating disorders is higher than for any other mental illness. Whatever your challenges are, be them struggles on the personal front or with your job, always remember they are valid and you deserve the help to get better.

If you’re struggling why not choose this week to reach out?

I realise that my writing is a hugely important constant in my life. It’s got me up in the morning. It’s kept me busy. My latest work in progress, and watching it unfold, has given each day a sense of normality and continuity. It has been a distraction from the chaos and tragedy happening around me locally and in the world. I’m incredibly grateful for this. Writing is my friend. It’s given me a purpose and passion at this very challenging time.

More than ever I respect the romantic comedy genre. During lockdown my thirteenth book, The Summer Island Swap has been published and reviewers have kindly said what a welcome escape the story is from our current difficult situation. I’ve had comments like these before about my books, as other romcom authors will have, from readers who’ve been having a hard time and found that such stories give them a momentary break. There is a certain snobbery out there towards romance books but lockdown has shown clearly how much people need fictional escapism and happy-ever-afters when the real world is a scary place.

Writer’s block – I’ve always written through it before and have done so again these last months. When the pandemic was unfolding in the UK, in late March, and throughout April and May, I had to write my Christmas 2020 novel. I soldiered on, putting finger to keyboard, telling myself that was the main thing, the rewrite could sort out any mess. But this time I discovered writer’s block on a whole new level. Yes, I eventually achieved the wordage I wanted but I felt blocked when it came to working out the structure of the overall plot arcs and the pace. With daily mortality rates and Covid 19 guidelines appearing minute by minute on social media, with daily worries on a personal level, I just couldn’t focus. So I guess lockdown has shown me that writer’s block isn’t as simple as I once thought. It’s not just about not being able to increase that word count. It’s also about not being able to get your head around the big things like developing character and expanding the themes.

And leading on from this I appreciate my agent more than ever. I’ve always thought she was amazingly supportive, especially with the editorial support she offers, but recently I’ve felt I need it on a different level. Her fresh pair of eyes has been able to offer perspective on the bigger aspects of the story and she’s given me confidence in what I’ve written. Between us I feel we’ve really been able to shape that sticky first draft  into a book I’m so excited about and can’t wait to share in October!

I’ve also appreciated her support around the fact that due to lockdown, I struggled to meet my deadline and needed her to ask for it to be pushed back a bit. All the editors I’ve ever worked with have been brilliantly flexible about this but still, it’s been great, during lockdown, to have one less thing to worry about.

Authors sometimes ask me about my view on agents. I find mine indispensable.

Finally, I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a hermit writing from home, reading, watching Netflix in the evenings… however during lockdown I’ve been surprised at just how much I miss meeting up with my writing friends in real life. A group of us have coffee together in Manchester once a month and haven’t been able to do that for ages. Plus the Romantic Novelists’ Association is celebrating its Diamond Anniversary this year and has had to cancel various events, including a special summer party in June. I last saw my romance friends at an awards ceremony at the beginning of March and had such a lovely time. Social media is great but there’s nothing quite like a face to face chat where you can discuss things you might not want to share online, and have a good-humoured chat about the latest ups and downs of your career.

To sum up, due to lockdown, I’m more grateful than ever for my writing and the people connected to the industry who support it – my agent, my fellow authors, the readers who give feedback.

It’s been a horrendous time so any positives are welcome. And I end this post sending my thanks to keyworkers and love to everyone who’s been struggling.

However, some still lurk in the shadows, flexing their fork in my direction and things came to a head, recently, when I was shortlisted for the prestigious Romantic Novelist Awards  – a huge honour. Indeed, when I first heard I’d been nominated in the romcom category for my 2018 romance One Summer In Rome  I was absolutely ecstatic… but the evening itself presented a huge challenge to someone like myself with a history of  body dysmorphic issues.

The thought of being in any way the centre of attention and – abject horror – having professional photos taken, filled me with dread. As did the challenge of finding a suitable outfit – something I imagine many of the nominees can relate to.

But with the support of my husband, and the company of my wonderful and understanding agent, Clare Wallace from Darley Anderson, not only did I get there – I thoroughly enjoyed the event. After I’d said hello to a few people my anxiety started to slip away and much chat and laughter took place. And I now feel more brave about attending any such event in the future.

At the beginning of my writing journey none of this was a problem and I enjoyed many author get-togethers, seeing them as nothing but fun and important for my career. But then my mental health took a downturn, brought back some issues from thirty years ago and I am still fighting them – and am determined to get back to where I was before, seeing every invitation to a launch or blogger get-together or publishing party for what it should be… an exciting and enjoyable aspect of the business I am in.

When the official  photo came in I got control of the self-critical thoughts and forced myself to post the image online.  And this is what CBT therapy is all about – facing your fears. The more you do the thing you are afraid of, the more you can accept that your concerns are unfounded.

Yes it’s hard. Scary. Especially when others may not understand your concern over something that appears trivial or irrational to them, particularly if you’ve become good at putting on a cheerful veneer. But the feeling of achievement you’ll get, if you push yourself, is second to none.

It’s not easy being a woman – or man, for that matter – in today’s society. Some of us may feel we have to have great jobs. Be brill parents or children. Perfect partners. That we’re supposed to look like celebrities and gain hundreds of likes on social media. And this is an area I explore in my  new novel Knowing You, that was published yesterday. Violet works in publishing and due to an upset in her private life starts to question just how successful an editor – and woman – she is. And this leads to a shocking twist at the end. I’m thrilled with the fantastic reviews coming in and humbled to see that her story is resonating with readers…

So if you’re struggling at the moment, mental health wise, and CBT therapy is an option, I would definitely recommend it.

You can do this.

Or if you are simply nervous about taking the plunge in certain areas of your life, go for it. Afraid you will get rejected if you send out that submission? There’s only one way to find out. Anxious about joining that book club you’ve been invited to? Go ahead. Without a doubt every member will have felt like that on their first night.

Whatever your fear is, there is only one true way to tackle it.

And that’s to stare it straight in the face.

Money raised goes to the British Red Cross, to go to residents affected by the fire.

There are also many other lots in the auction, offered by authors, agents and publishers, if you want to offer a helping hand to the victims.

Before we start, this is how the dictionary defines a sin:
“An act regarded as a serious or regrettable fault, offence, or omission.”

One… the biggest ego in the world – which can so quickly swing to being the smallest. Whilst starting a first draft, I have what I call “X Factor Moments”. That is, flashes of thinking the book I am writing is so brilliant that any film director would be mad not to turn it into a movie. Then, usually, a third of the way through a manuscript, the total opposite happens and I suffer a massive crisis of confidence. It’s an exhausting rollercoaster and a regrettable fault, indeed, because it can shred a writer’s nerves.

Two… using writing as an excuse to justify overindulging in substances. Coffee, wine, chocolate, cake – be it a bad review or fantastic book launch, we’ll tell ourselves our poison of choice is the only way to commiserate or celebrate. This inevitably leads to writer’s bottom and is a huge offence against our health. Last year I took myself in hand and got cycling. I still enjoy my coffee and cake but try to aim for moderation.

Three… Comparison. With other authors – which, inevitably, leads to jealousy. I blogged about this here and can heartily recommend this post if you ever suffer  pangs of wishing you were J K Rowling. Remember, your own success could be just around the corner. Comparing yourself is fruitless as there is a lot more to an author’s career than just the quality of their work. Luck plays a part and it is pointless wasting energy fretting over something that you can never consciously acquire. Instead focus on learning, improving and becoming the best version of yourself.

Four… Use their job as a threat. I do this quite a lot. “Be nice (read that as ‘do a good job’), or I’ll write you, as a villain, into my next book.” I say it with a sweet smile and little tinkling laugh, but believe me, I mean every word. This phrase has come in handy with all sorts of people, including an optician, tiler and a gynaecologist!

Five… Selfies. I now take these regularly to promote my work. And yes, I admit the sin of vanity – I do sometimes use Instagram filters. Like the one below. It’s a coaster about coffee because my upcoming May release, The New Beginnings Coffee Club, features this marvellous drink a lot. Last week I visited my editor and we were talking about photographers who ask clients which is their “best” side. Most of us wouldn’t know but *shamed face* I do now. Although I can never remember which it is!

Six... An obsession with social media. Hands up. At all hours I feel compelled to check my notifications on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. I tell my family – and worse, myself – that this is purely for work. That funny gif of Brad Pitt? *Ahem*, um yes, it might inspire a character. And don’t get me started about checking the Amazon ranking of a newly released novel!

Seven… The blame game when things go wrong. The fact is, the publishing industry – the charts, readers, reviews – it’s all such a random, fickle, unpredictable business. Yes, sometimes causes can be pin-pointed, but prolonged negative thinking, resentments, bitterness – they are highly destructive and ultimately futile. If it’s impossible to focus on the positives – or they just aren’t there – then alter your situation, even if that means changing agent or publisher. I find meditation and mindfulness help. Plus a recent interest in Buddhism. Rubbish happens and will probably happen again. Usually it isn’t personal. For your own sake, try to move forwards.

Talking of coffee, that’s the first thing I thought of when I arrived at Stockport station to make the two hour train journey to Euston. And lesson learnt from my last, nauseous journey to London, I sat forward-facing and didn’t read too much! The weather was gorgeous and in no time at all, I found myself in one of the HarperCollins board rooms, lapping up the beautiful views of the capital’s skyline  – and more of the black stuff.

How wonderful to meet well-respected bloggers Rachel Gilbey (left) and Sharon Wilden. Their reputation precedes them and, along with my editor Victoria and editorial assistant Hannah, we spent three hours chatting, gossiping and belly-laughing about the publishing business, books and my new novel. On hand was an array of tiffin and biscuits, coffee and sparkling water, and we talked about industry trends and our favourite authors.The time whizzed by and it was really fascinating to hear the bloggers’ views on reading, writing and the industry – my editor and I fired off many questions! And I enjoyed explaining about the characters and themes in my  new book which is very close to my heart.

Also, I was super excited to see the fantastic book trailer for my new novel! My editor offered to show it to me before Rachel and Sharon arrived, but I managed to hold off for the premiere!

All in all it was such an exciting day. Thanks to Rachel and Sharon for their time and jokes! And remember, ladies, what happens at The News Building stays there!!

Firstly – be true to yourself. Don’t try to mimic other writers because you will never be a better version of them – just as no one can be a better version of yourself. Love Lucy Diamond? Great – read her books and try to analyse how she pulls readers into her stories and makes her lead characters so likeable. But don’t aim to reproduce her style. You have your own voice which – in my experience – will eventually emerge. It may be a long journey to find it, driven by writing manuscript after manuscript, but when you finally have that lightbulb moment and feel the words in your head are translating to the page exactly as they should, it’s a precious thing that – ultimately – will make you stand out as different, on the slushpile.

Secondly – learn to appreciate constructive criticism. This one can be hard! If you are an aspiring writer and someone more experienced has given you negative feedback, try to step away from your personal hurt and clinically look at the comments. And the same applies to a published author who has just received a bad review. If it is personal and insulting then it doesn’t deserve your attention – but if it’s polite and makes potentially fair comments, then consider analysing the negatives and maybe take them on board. I’ve found some unfavourable reviews quite useful in the past as they have given me an insight into where I  might be going wrong, in terms of creating relatable characters and plots that keep readers wanting to read on, right to the end. And if the negative feedback is from your editor, during revisions, just remember – she/he believes in you and is simply investing their time in trying to make your book even better than they already believe it is.

Thirdly – Read, read and read more. I failed dismally at this is 2016. But some of the books I did find time to enjoy really helped me to be more adventurous with my own writing. It is easy to get stuck in a rut with your own style if you don’t get a taste of how other authors are pushing boundaries and hitting the pleasure-spot for readers. I try not to let my writing style stagnate.

Fourthly – don’t forget why you started writing. Presumably – like me – it was due to a love of words and crafting sentences together. If it was for fame and fortune (*hollow laugh*!) you won’t survive the path it takes to get published. But if writing is a dream that comes from the heart, then when you get rejected or published and have to deal with deadlines, promotional work, bad reviews etc, just remind yourself that you are doing what you love and leaving behind a legacy of your creativity.

Finally, aspiring authors – don’t do what I did in the early days, and make the resolution “to get published this year”. It doesn’t quite work like that! Instead resolve to achieve something more attainable like “this  year I will submit my work to twenty agents” or  “this year I will see if I can get one full manuscript request”. Don’t set yourself too high expectations as you will feel you’ve failed, even if, in the bigger picture, you haven’t. Savour small victories, like a positive rejection letter. The road to publication takes many small steps, not one giant leap.

Best of luck and above all else, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. It’s a crazy business, this publishing malarkey, and dealing with it can be a challenge for us sensitive writing souls.

That’s the thing, isn’t it? We learn nothing from remaining static. So even if the lessons are hard, I’m all for mixing it up and facing change. If we don’t continue to gain knowledge, then what’s the point? So I’m looking forward to facing what life throws at me in 2017.

Reading and writing have, of course, featured heavily in my life this year. There are my own books, including my summer Cornish romance which got to #8 in the UK Kindle chart. That was thrilling and huge thanks to all you readers. Your support and kind words mean so much.

I am super excited about my upcoming projects as well, and April 2017 sees the publication of my next novel which is all about being true to yourself – and coffee! You can imagine what fun I had, researching that subject (well, it would be rude not to have something sweet with each cup – even if it is as small as this macaroon)!

I’ve taken up a course in Mindfulness which means reading books about visualisation and breathing. It was very difficult at first, learning to mediate, with lots of intrusive thoughts, ranging from problems to lists for shopping! But the more I practise, the easier it gets. I’d highly recommend it to anyone who feels like they sometimes need “time out” from their busy twenty-first century life.

I also started a health-kick three months ago and whilst it was difficult for the first few weeks, now I feel fantastic. It’s all about San Pellegrino mineral water, stir fries and blueberries… not that I have given up my daily chocolate fix. I have to be realistic  I’ve also rediscovered my love of baking which has meant researching and reading recipes online. Below is, ahem, a “healthy” banana cake!

Finally, 2016 has been a year for discovering new authors. Below is a great debut read from Helen Cox – the style is what I’d call gritty chicklit. It’s a fabulous story for fans of American diner food and Grease.

Right. That’s me done for the year. Now I’m off to wrap presents. I hope 2016 has been good to you all – and if not, that you feel the negatives have nevertheless taught you something positive. Here’s to a great 2017 for everyone. Have a fantastic Christmas. I’ll raise a glass of fizzy mineral water to you all

I like to think my authorly friends know me well enough to realise that I am always genuinely chuffed when they do well – as I feel they are when a book of mine climbs the charts. But I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t think, now and again, ooh, how wonderful to sell your film rights or go to that amazing party – wish that had been me, as well as you…

And it’s hard when you’re an aspiring writer, to see pals get that deal when you are still struggling with rejection. And if you finally get published and then your book doesn’t fly to the top of the Kindle store like your bestie’s, you can question your own talent.

But all of this is pointless. There are so many factors to do with how successful a book is, aside from the actual writing. Some publishers give their books higher prices than others and this can seriously affect their rank. Others may not design as eye-catching covers or do much behind the scenes to help market the story. And then every book needs a degree of luck to catch the reading public’s eye and no amount of talent will help you snare that.

Recently I read an interesting article about how Olympians are trained. I mean, it must be hard for any runner competing against the unbeatable Usain Bolt, for example. How do they keep the green-eyed monster under control and  not let it affect their own sense of worth – and, ultimately, their performance? The answer? Olympians are trained to focus soley on their OWN personal bests. Didn’t win a medal? No matter, if they ran a race and beat their previous record, these athletes and their coaches consider they’ve done incredibly well.

So, my advice – that I try to follow! – is simply to aim to write my next book even better. To research more effective ways to market and promote my work. To continue to expand my social media platforms. To avoid getting stuck in a rut creatively. To concentrate fully on my own career. I am super-pleased with the current success of my new novel, Breakfast under a Cornish Sun. I feel my writing has moved up another step and that – so far! – is reflected in some lush reviews and that means everything to me. Okay, so I may not have millions in the bank, like EL James – but who’s to say that might never happen, as long as I continue NOT to fret  that Idris Elba isn’t begging to play one of my two gorgeous heroes in a movie of my book?!

We may never be the next Stephanie Meyer or land red carpet events galore, but if we can look back in a few years and see how our readerships have grown and our writing has developed, I reckon that makes us winners after all.