Also, I won’t ever take for granted the life I have now. During those nine months in services I got to know people who were or had been homeless. One was a rough sleeper. She is in drug addiction and shared her story with me. A story that was one of the things that inspired my new book, Forgive Me Not.

She knew I was writing this novel and opened up about her life on the streets. How she used some of the money the public gave her for drugs – to keep her “topped up” to a level that made her existence bearable. The rest was collected to hopefully pay for a Bed & Breakfast each night. She needed £80 for that and didn’t always reach her target. In that case she’d sleep in the doorway of a shop that had CCTV. She felt safer that way.

I saw her recently for the first time in months, back in her usual spot. She gave me a hug. Said she was proud of my book. Asked how I was. Said I looked well. We exchanged the usual banter. I gave her some money. She thanked me profusely. As usual her cheerful, upbeat gratitude and attitude touched me deeply.

It’s easy to dehumanise the homeless – to see these people as them not us. But due to spending many hours in AA – due to all my research – I’ve learnt how any one of us could find ourselves in their situation. The reasons behind homelessness are very varied.

Care leavers, aged 18, with no family in their lives, are an especially vulnerable group. As are Army veterans with PTSD. Plus those in situations of domestic violence or those with other mental health issues. Another friend in treatment was forced to flee an abusive domestic set-up, leaving everything behind. She had no choice but to go into a hostel and start her life again from scratch.

Life-changing events make people vulnerable, if they suffer a trauma such a bereavement that sends them into a depression that means they can’t face work, they can’t pay bills, they don’t  care about themselves or responsibilities any more…

And then there’s addiction. One single incident can trigger a very rapid spiral into homelessness. Say an addict one day loses their job. They can’t pay the rent or mortgage. Finally their family’s had enough of the behaviours that now worsen.  As have friends…

I’m so grateful I hit my rock bottom before reaching the end of the alcoholism spectrum – before I did real damage to other people; before I found myself heading down that spiral. Wine o’clock could have had a far from glamorous ending.

It’s impossible to live in a city – I’m in Manchester – and not be aware of the homelessness tragedy. I stop to give change. Sometimes I have a quick chat. Not all rough sleepers are in addiction but due to my experience I guess it’s not difficult for me to see past the violent, aggressive or anti-social behaviours in the ones that are; to realise that person who might be using to the point of oblivion once had a life like mine with loved ones, mates, a purpose to get up each day – and a place to live. To realise that if they didn’t have all those things, they’ve probably come from a challenging background of mental health issues or neglect.

If you feel you want to improve a rough sleeper’s life in some small way but don’t want to give them money, here is a list of things that would be so useful. Pound shops provide them all cheaply.

Sanitary protection

Vitamin tablets

Deoderant

Socks

Hand wipes

Tissues

Chapstick

Plasters

.

In August 2016 I found myself sitting in an addiction clinic. This will probably be a shock to those who know me. It shocked me too. My drinking had grown from the weekend, to stretch across Thursday and Sunday. Then it was every night, any excuse. It softened a bad review and added sparkle to literary celebrations. But truth be told, the problem had been growing for years, way before I became an author. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia at university and recently my eating issues have returned. The rooms of AA are filled with people who’ve had – or have – eating disorders. The mental issues behind the behaviours are very similar.

Fear and denial kept me away from the doctor. I hadn’t lost my job yet, my family, not all my friends, my house, I wasn’t drinking twenty-four seven, I didn’t end up sleeping on the streets or in prison or sectioned… My problem wasn’t yet obvious.

But certain areas of my life and the mental distress were becoming unmanageable. I couldn’t face life with alcohol. I couldn’t face life without it.

When I finally went to my GP, back in February 2016, it initially proved difficult to get the expert treatment I needed. Eventually a counsellor directed me to the alcohol services for my area and for three months I had outpatient treatment – group therapy – at an addiction clinic where I was treated by hard-talking former addicts. Then I moved to recovery services for a further three months, where I learnt about mindfulness and wellbeing. I gave talks to children in High School about my drinking and eating problems. I trained for another three months to become a peer mentor to young people in addiction.

During those nine months I shared my story and listened to new friends talk about their addiction in the context of work, domestic abuse, prison life and homelessness.

People chat to each other about trying to cut down on unhealthy foods or stopping smoking, but you’ll rarely hear a conversation where one person says they are seriously worried about their alcohol habits – because there is such a stigma attached to regularly drinking too much. And yet many people are and as long as this fear of being truthful about our intake exists, hospital beds will continue to fill with people suffering from alcohol-related illnesses.

Society needs to be talking openly about it.

A considerable part of recovery is making alcoholics aware of the hurt we might have caused others. We won’t get better until we realise that no one is to blame for our drinking but ourselves. We need to face up to the consequences of what we’ve done – and that difficult process is what originally inspired my new novel.

Forgive Me Not isn’t my story. It is made up of characters who go on their own journeys. However it is written completely from the heart. From personal experience I know that saying sorry isn’t always enough.

I’ll never forget going into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time. I envisaged there would be old men in dirty macs, sitting on their hands longing for a drink. How wrong I was. It was full of warm, welcoming, happy people of all ages and backgrounds who wanted to share their joy of sobriety. I did the Twelve Step recovery programme with my wonderful sponsor.

AA isn’t for everyone, but it isn’t scary. The thought of going is. And it shouldn’t be. Alcohol abuse is a growing problem, particularly amongst people of my age who buy a bottle of wine to unwind at the end of the day. Society needs to reach a position where people can talk about their drinking habits without the fear of being judged.

I’m still Sam the wife, mum and author, who likes cats and writing and cake. That person, in real life and online, hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s helped no end, the last couple of years, to use social media to talk about the positive aspects of my life, whilst dealing with my demons away from the keyboard. Posting my inspirational memes probably helps me as much as anyone else. It’s only now that I feel strong enough to share my experience. I’ve faced my problem head on and stopped drinking. I’ve made amends where possible and it’s taken a while, but I’ve finally forgiven myself.

I’ve accepted that this is me.

More than ever I love my amazing husband and children whose unquestioning support has been a big part of the reason that I’m now eighteen months sober. I’m full of gratitude for the help given to me by them, friends, AA and professionals.

If any of you reading this are struggling with drink, get help now before things worsen – which they will. Go to your doctor. Speak to a relative or friend. Go to AA – the only qualification needed to attend is that you want to stop drinking but can’t. They won’t take your name or ask for personal details or write anything down. No one will tell you you’re an alcoholic – you’ll decide for yourself by listening to everyone else’s stories and seeing if you can relate to the feelings.

You won’t stand out as different. Alcoholics are ordinary people.

If you are worried about your own intake reach out and tell someone before the wine o’clock everyone jokes about turns into a ticking time bomb.

You may be an alcoholic. You may not.

But if you are, I’m getting better one day at a time.

So can you.

It is up on NetGalley for those who’d like to request an early copy to review and will soon be up on retail platforms.

Meanwhile, here is the blurb to whet your appetite until it is published by Canelo on 23rd July! The story is set in Manchester.

Forgiveness can be hard to come by… An unputdownable new novel from bestseller Samantha Tonge

 How far would you go to make amends?

When Emma fled her home at Foxglove Farm, she’d let down and hurt those who cared for her most. But now, two years later, she’s ready to face up to her past; she’s ready to go back.

But Emma’s unannounced return causes more problems than she could have foreseen. The people she knew and loved aren’t ready to forget, let alone forgive. And the one person she wants to reconnect with the most, her mother, can’t remember who she is.

Just as Emma starts to rebuild trust, an uncovered family secret and a shocking past crime threaten her newly forged future…

Sometimes simply saying sorry isn’t enough.

Perfect for readers of Ruth Hogan or Amanda Prowse, this is an extraordinary and unforgettable novel about running away from yourself – and finding a way back.

My debut contemporary women’s fiction novel – Forgive Me Not – will be published 23rd July.

When Emma flees her home, Foxglove Farm, she has already let down everyone closest to her. Two years later, having lived on the streets and gone through rehab, she is back; back looking for forgiveness. But family secrets threaten everything. The truth has long been buried. And the only thing harder than saying sorry, is finding the willingness to forgive…

A second novel will follow February 2019.

I am so excited to share these stories, both of which are very close to my heart.

Michael Bhaskar, Publishing Director at Canelo said ‘Samantha’s books have long been on our radar at Canelo. She is quite simply a superb writer and in this novel, an extraordinary departure, she takes her writing to a new level. Impactful, unforgettable and deeply moving, Forgive Me Not will blow readers away. We can’t wait to work with her on this’.

Read the full press release here!