At first the usual thoughts went through my head:

It’s not fair.

Poor me.

What’s the point?

I may as well stop writing.

Everyone else is having an easier time.

The world is against me.

Ridiculous really. I’m in a great place at the moment, with a fantastic agent and brilliant publisher, writing two genres that I absolutely love – and with Knowing You recently out, a book I’m very proud of, receiving wonderful reviews. But oh yes, I had a full-on pity party. Despite all the mindfulness and Buddhism I’ve learnt about over the last couple of years, I still have meltdowns now and again – I’m only human. The difference is I pull myself out of them quicker. NetFlix and chocolate help.

And another aid to recovery is to look back on previous disappointments and see how I’ve got over them and this acts as a huge pick-me-up.

In fact I’ve listed a few here – to show those of you currently in the doldrums that things do change and move forwards. The troughs don’t last forever, even thought they feel interminable at the time.

Years of rejections.

It took me six years to get my first agent. I’ve got a folder of 80 rejections. During those years I swore I’d give up writing, it wasn’t worth the tears. In fact my young kids offered to publish me when they grew up. I’m still holding them to that, even though they are now at uni, in case my career nosedives! But yes, tough times – but I just kept going, writing and sending my work out there and eventually got to sign on a dotted line.

Up and down sales

My debut, Doubting Abbey, was a bestselling Christmas book December 2013. I even had interest from a Hollywood film producer! I thought that was it. I’d made it. All my books would continue with this success. But then the sequel From Paris with Love came out. The reviews were great and it did reach #600 in the AmazonUK charts, but it didn’t reach the dizzy heights of its predecessor. With a sharp shock I realised complacency was not going to be allowed to feature in my career.

In 2015 Game of Scones, got to #5 in the kindle chart, won the 2015 Love Stories Awards Best Romantic Ebook category and has sold 100,000 copies. The following two books didn’t sell as well. But then my summer 2016 book Breakfast Under a Cornish Sun got to #5 as well.

So for many authors there will be ups and downs along the way and after having 11 books published I realise that, and it helps me now if there are sales disappointments – who knows what is around the corner. I always say an author is only as good as their next book and this excites me and pushes me forwards. And I imagine that is the same excitement felt by agents and publishers when going through their submission pile. There are always endless possibilities. Who knows what your writing brain will come up with next?

Lack of understanding of the industry from bystanders

And it isn’t their fault. I don’t know much about any other sort of career so why should I assume bystanders understand how mine works? Indeed, before I started writing I linked a successful author career with red carpets and mansions with swimming pools. However once you’re in the thick of it, you realise what a tough career it is and the photo below reveals how unglamorous the day to day can be! It can be frustrating when yet another person asks if your life is like J K Rowling’s (I had that just last week). Or they question whether an ebook is a “real” book, or they dismiss your success if you aren’t currently in every single bookstore in the land.

Over time I’ve learned to distance myself from this and accept that the general view of what it’s like to be an author isn’t likely to change – and I’ve been lucky, most people who know about my job have been nothing but supportive. I’ve also found that joining online author groups helps immensely as you quickly realise most writers, at whatever stage, whatever their deal, to one extent or another, are going through the same problems and one of those is facing this very issue.

Rating yourself

It’s a tough one, not comparing yourself to other authors, and it’s hard to remember that us writers are not pitted against each other (even though rankings might make it seem as if we are). Over the last couple of years I’ve had counselling for eating disorder issues that have raised their head again, after 30 years. My counsellor said it was ironic that I’d chosen a career where I am being rated the whole time – Amazon rankings, reviews – as anorexics/bulimics are continually rating themselves too. And yes, it is something I struggle with. But mindfulness and Buddhism remind me to focus on my own journey. That’s what Olympian coaches do. They tell their athletes the only person they are competing against is themselves and their last personal best.

So you aren’t alone. Stop being hard on yourself. Be a little kinder to self. Sounds naff, doesn’t it? But it’s so important. Look back at your positives – an encouraging rejection, a lovely review. You are all amazing just for putting your hearts on the line and getting your words out into the public arena.

It is hard. I feel as if I am soldiering on at the moment. It’s not a 9 – 5 job that you can leave at the office. It’s can be in your thoughts 24/7. And for that reason it can sometimes feel as if you’ve been in the industry for a life-time.

So you must also take a time-check. For example I’ve had 11 books published but that has happened within only 5 1/2 years. I’m still in the early stages of my career, from many points of view. I need to remember that and remind myself of how long it takes, in other professions, to become fully trained and reach your goals.

The ups are followed by downs and the downs are always followed by ups – this is true of any personal or professional life. So to keep sane, try not to attach to either as both will pass.

I also try to remind myself that many women of my mother’s generation didn’t have a chance to follow a career. The problems I am having would have been problems they’d have love to have had. So I remind myself to be grateful

Come and say hello to me on Twitter @SamTongeWriter if you’re having a challenging time.

We’re all in this together

Here are some of the HURDLES I’ve faced and how I’ve got over them.

Rejections – I started writing in 2005 and sure enough, the rejections soon started coming in after I submitted my first novel. And I’m in good company. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected 20 times, Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind almost 40. I have a pile of over 80 rejections upstairs in a folder for various  manuscripts. For some reason I can’t throw them away. I think it’s because they represent my journey and if I’m going through tough times now they are a pertinent reminder that failure only exists if you give in. But how did I overcome that sense of disappointment and the tears? I sought the support of my online and real-life writing friends. Becoming part of an author community gave me perspective and made  me realise I was not alone – that publishers or agents turning down my manuscripts wasn’t personal. And hearing success stories of writers who’d been in my position but still eventually got that publishing deal was great motivation. So don’t write in a vacuum – network and find some support.

Writer’s Block – this doesn’t happen to me often and that’s because I view my work as very diverse. Stuck on a chapter? Go and write a blog post instead. Or a short story. Or go to a cafeteria and plan the chapter roughly by hand – that always works for me. I consider all of this to still be writing and it takes away the sense of failure if I’m staring at a blank page. Or go and read a book for inspiration. It all counts. Failing that, simply take a break for a couple of hours, a day, a week…

And remember the words of Margaret Atwood: “If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.” Just write something. Get on with it. Leave the refining to the rewrite.

Bad Reviews – this isn’t something I thought about before signing my first deal. All I’d dreamt of was beautiful covers, shelfies and launch parties. Yet the first rating I ever received for my debut book, on GoodReads, wasn’t glowing and made me sharply aware that I was going to need to toughen up. Sadly my  horrified expression was captured in my passport photo taken the next day although I’m glad to say that the book became a Kindle bestseller. I can laugh now, but at the time it was upsetting. However, over the years I have learnt to ignore the insulting reviews. I accept that all books get their fair share of poor ones and this is confirmed whenever I look up my favourite authors on Amazon. Some writers never read their reviews – and that is one way of dealing with it. I read every single one, with an open mind, as long as it is constructive (and polite!). It’s interesting to read the criticism, some of which I take on board if I think it makes a fair point.

My work is ME – this attitude is very debilitating and one that needs to be quashed. It’s hard for creative folk to separate themselves from their work, especially if they do it full-time. I went through a very challenging period a couple of years ago when I felt that if a book didn’t do as well as the previous one I, as a person, had failed. This, of course, is rubbish. Writing is my job – not me. I’m also a wife. A mother. A daughter. A friend. A reader. A cook. A homemaker. A fan of Buddhism. A linguist. A Walking Dead fan. And many other things.

You need to separate YOU from your authorly alter ego. Never believe that you are the sum of your sales. There are many dimensions to you. Writing is only one of them.

Self-doubt – I blogged about Imposter Syndrome here – that feeling that we’re not really authors and that someone will one day find us out. Published or unpublished we are plagued by self-doubt, especially before that first deal, but if you are putting finger to keyboard and honing your craft, you don’t simply need a contract to validate that YOU ARE A WRITER. So give the post a read and find out how I overcome those negative voices.

Rewrite Blues – these hit me recently after feedback. I almost gave up on the project but now I’m so glad I perservered. I blogged about how to cope with this here. Just remember that if someone is willing to put in the time to give you detailed, challenging feedback, it means they believe in you and your work. Step back. Deep breaths. Don’t take it personally and then get on with making your manuscript really sing.

KEEP ON GOING, whatever your own hurdles may be. It took me eight years to land my first publishing deal and it’s been worth every minute of what I call The Wilderness Years, when I was writing and submitting – although I won’t add “with little success” because the success was that during that time I was learning my craft.

And last up – manage your expectations. I couldn’t believe my first ever submission was rejected – oh, the ignorance of an ingenue! Forget red carpet film adaptation deals and literary prizes. As JK Rowling once said on Twitter (about her and her alter ego Robert Galbraith):
“Believe me, neither @RGalbraith nor I walk around thinking we’re fab. We just shoot for ‘writing better than yesterday’”.

I’ve never known a writer – who didn’t give up – not to get their work out there.  Believe in yourself. Improve your art. And don’t get your passport photo taken after your first ever bad review because you’ll be stuck with it for ten years

In my case, I partly thank my mother for the belief she had in me as a child. Her mantra was that I could achieve ANYTHING I wanted. Of course, I would have to work hard to achieve my targets, and there would be disappointment along the way, but her faith gave me a great gift – an intrinsic sense of valuing myself and my abilities. I’ll always be grateful for that and truly believe the words below, on my new favourite coffee coaster.

Life experience, too, has helped me achieve my aim of becoming a published author. Look back on your life and I’m sure you’ll find examples of challenges you have faced and got through. For me, let’s see… going to university. I chose one hundreds of miles away from home. I chose one of the best courses in the country, for what I wanted to study. In retrospect, perhaps those decisions were ill-judged. I ended up suffering from a stress-related illness. However, I was determined not to waste my years of study. I gritted my teeth and got through the finals. Ultimately, this made my sense of self-belief grow.

And then I got married and brought up kids. Committing to a partner and rearing off-spring have further increased my belief that I can achieve great things. Both have been a challenge. Both have moved me out of my comfort zone. Before meeting my husband none of my relationships lasted longer than a matter of months. As for nurturing kids, I couldn’t keep any plant alive before they came along, not even a cactus!

And I think that is one of the keys to self-belief – pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. You’ll surprise yourself if you do and it will boost your self-confidence.  I blogged about that here.

It can be hard to keep going. I tried to give up writing along the road to publication, but couldn’t. I used to always think that was simply because it was my passion. But now I know it is also because I had a stubborn, underlying sense of faith. Take the editorial report I once had done, on one of my unpublished novels that is now under the bed. The person who wrote it used expressions such as “what on earth made you think that would work?” It knocked my confidence. Yes, I wept! And I didn’t write – for about one week. But I came back from this sense of devastation that momentarily made me think I’d never see a book of mine in a shop.

Then there was the agent who showed huge interest in my work. They kept in touch. Asked for my next manuscript. However, when they didn’t like it, their tone of rejection was extremely brusque. This experience knocked me sideways – us creative people are sensitive souls. But ultimately, it helped toughen my skin and fed that faith I had in myself.

Just one word of caution though. A sense of reality MUST go hand-in-hand with this self-belief. Take my recent fitness campaign. I now cycle every morning. If you’d told me I’d be doing that a couple of years ago, I would have laughed you all the way to the cake counter! But now I’m out there, pedalling along the streets, every morning before the rush hour. But only for twenty minutes. And not at great speed. I’m no Bradley Wiggins, but I have achieved my target of getting and feeling fitter. I’m me. Doing the best I can. And the same applies to my writing. The dizzy heights of success achieved by JL Rowling and the ilk are so exceptional and I must remind myself of that!

In my latest novel, The New Beginnings Coffee Club, Jenny’s life falls apart. She must start from scratch. Provide for her daughter. Find her own  path in life. It’s scary and the story is about seeing her grow and find the self-belief to become the person life always intended her to be.

I recently heard an expression: “Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there.”
Believe in yourself – because it may be a while before anyone else does and it will give you the courage to carry on carrying on. Just keep on writing and learning and submitting your work. You WILL get there. You WILL fulfil your potential.

It’s a cliche, but it really has been a roller coaster of a journey, with some unexpected consequences of signing that deal…

It’s hard, hard, hard work... My initial reaction to getting that first deal, once I’d calmed down and stopped my happy author dance? That nothing much would change. I’d just carrying on “doing my thang”, that is writing stories and chatting to writerly peeps on Facebook. Right? Er – nope. I soon realised that things were going to be very different. I now had editor’s revisions and deadlines. I had to set up a blog, join GoodReads and Instagram, plus expand my platforms on Facebook and Twitter. These days, at least half of my work time is spent on social media, networking with other authors, bloggers and readers and, of course, promoting my novels. It’s a full-time job which I am now having to squeeze into part-time hours due to other priorities. I love it but during the first six months of being a published author, I put on one and a half stone in weight, which brings me to my second point…

Fitness – or rather, the lack of it… With all the extra social media work, it is very easy as an author to stay chained to your desk for hours at a time. We’re talking writers’s bottom, writer’s stomach and writer’s bingo wings – not a pretty picture, is it?! But, vanity aside, we’re talking real health issues as well. I have a family history of high cholesterol plus a back problem, and after that weight gain in 2013/2014 all the chocolate bars and packets of crisps caught up with me. And I know I’m not alone with this. I only have to read my fellow writers’ social media statuses to know that, like me, they use a tasty snack or drink to either celebrate (a high rank or good review) or commiserate (tough editor’s revisions or a novel rejection). So, last year, I took myself in hand. I cycle every day now, before the rush hour. And I get out for a walk at least once a day. It’s a discipline but on the plus side, I wake fresher and happier and am far more productive.

Money. This was a surprise. Anyone and everyone feel they have a right to ask you how much you earn, because you’re an author. Usually with raised eyebrows and winks and the mention of J K Rowling. NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO ASK THIS – lovely JK  is the exception, not the rule Just like everyone else, I worry about the mortgage and bills. For the majority of writers, getting published is no financial golden ticket. I’ve no complaints, but won’t be buying the Porsche any time soon

Sex…and thanks to EL James, author of Fifty Shades, for this! Like money, within minutes of finding out that I am a romance author, people want to ask if I write “that”. Again, usually this is followed by winks. And from the opposite sex, comments that my husband is a very lucky man. NOTE TO THESE PEOPLE – husband is not continually called upon to help me “research” every single hot scene! And nor is anyone else! I’m a writer. I use my life experience and imagination. And romance is, primarily, about the feelings and emotions of love.

You’re only as good as your last book. This is so true and not something I’d really thought about before getting published. Past successes will not prop up current work. In 2015 I was lucky enough to have a bestseller, Game of Scones, that reached #5 in the UK Kindle chart and stayed in the top ten for weeks. It also won an award. Exciting times, in my little world. Yet, two years on, that is but a memory and I’m still striving to produce my best ever work and challenge myself. The biggest danger to a writer is becoming complacent – readers notice. However, I believe this one is a great consequence of getting published. Life is about learning and this applies to our art. Struggling to continually improve is what fires me up and gets my writer’s bottom on the chair every morning. I feel passionately about my latest release, The New Beginnings Coffee Club. It was challenging and a little scary to write but if our books aren’t, then what is the point?

1  They become starry-eyed. In awe. I blame JK Rowling for this People imagine red carpet events and sales in the millions. They start inserting complex words into their conversation (that I don’t understand) and talk of the high-falutin’ literary works they read, as if intimidated. So I thank them, but if pressed further, make it clear I’m nothing special. I’m not curing cancer nor have I discovered a new planet. I’m simply lucky enough to be getting paid for an activity I adore.

2  Almost without exception, they declare that they have always thought of writing a novel. This irritates some authors, but not me – as I’ve said above, I’m not exceptional. If I can do it, why not anyone else? I’m a grafter – had to keep my nose to the grindstone during my four years at university, unlike some friends who could socialise as much as they pleased and just cram at the last minute. It’s been the same with writing – I wrote novel after novel at home, for eight years filled with tears and rejection, before landing my publishing deal. So when people react like this I say go for it! You might surprise yourself. Or, you  might discover it is a lot harder than you imagined.

3  Quite often, when people discover my genre – romantic comedy – their awe turns to disdain. And I annoy myself by going on the defensive. I laud Mills & Boon authors who earn more than your average writer could dream of. I explain what a diverse, popular genre it is. I did this recently and received the sneery reply “I’m sure it is”. I imagine, in some circles, actors find this if they tell people they perform in a soap and not on the Shakespearean stage. I’m working on not letting these people press my buttons. Huge skill is required in making prose sound chatty and light. The same prejudice is sometimes shown towards children’s authors. I just have to accept that his is just one small downside to a career I thoroughly enjoy.

4  People say what a difficult job it must be – don’t I ever run out of ideas? I explain my belief that the brain, like any muscle, performs better the more you use it. Before you know it, you automatically take on board inspiration. I used to particularly find this when selling short stories. At the beginning I struggled to write even one. But before my novel deal, I sold 50 in one year. My brain just seemed to adapt to searching out suitable material. What’s more, there are a lot more challenging jobs out there, like nursing or serving burgers and fries all day. So yes, you do require determination and stamina but your passion makes it an easy career to follow.

5  The final reaction – it must be the only job in the world where people feel they have a perfect right to ask how much you earn! Not that this bothers me too much. In fact (just between us) I take a certain pleasure in telling them that most writers never earn enough for it to be their only source of income, and watching their jaws drop! Again, I blame JK Rowling (sorry!) for their misconception that being an author automatically means riches beyond your heart’s desire. If you are lucky, with a decent back catalogue out there, then yes, one day you might earn enough to support a mortgage and family. But don’t count on it. It’s not a profession you enter to become a millionaire.