Just before lockdown, in March, I discovered that my cholesterol level was 8.1 – very high. It was a massive shock and a wake-up call. I’m almost 4 years sober and since stopping drinking it’s been hard to battle some old eating disorder issues. I’d got a sixth sense that my level might be up but still didn’t really believe it when the results came through, even though there is a history in my family (a tendency rather than the hereditary sort), plus the relatives with high cholesterol also suffered from dementia, and that’s what really scared me.

So I completely changed my diet for the next 3 months and reduced that worrying number to 5.6. I was thrilled.

But I wasn’t just pleased with that figure – 5 months in, now, it’s no over-statement to say that my life has transformed. For over thirty years I’ve been plagued by my eating disorder issues and now they’ve more or less disappeared. And it’s changed my mental health overall, leaving me feel more balanced and able to deal with the challenges of the past few months regarding my work and the pandemic. I’m not leaning on anything for support that is going to have unhealthy consequences. I’m back in the driving seat and that’s a powerful thing.

It’s a healthier lifestyle I’d recommend to anyone, not just those with high cholesterol.

I’ve hugely reduced my fat and sugar intake (isn’t as bad as it sounds as I demonstrate below) just in the same way I cut out alcohol in 2016. So I’m no longer having to continually battle, internally, over what I eat – I simply can’t eat fat or sugar like I used to, so it’s not even a thought that I have, along with the constant push and pull of *I want it but shouldn’t*, *I’m a bad person I’ve just eaten that chocolate* *I’ve had one biscuit, I may as well have the packet* *I’m not going out as I must look hideous*. So this aspect of my mental health has vastly improved, and my husband has commented several times, over recent months, how much I’ve changed – usually when I’m doing a silly dance to make him laugh (poor man!).

I truly believe I am eating like humans were meant to now – hardly any processed foods or ready meals, no fizzy drinks, plenty of whole grains, fruit and vegetables… and I feel fantastic for it. I’ve also lost 1 1/2 stones along the way, although that wasn’t my goal.

I don’t say this in a sanctimonious way. Sweet treats and ready meals have their place for people with no dietary health concerns. We lead busy, stressful lives. All I’m saying is sometimes those things we lean on – food, booze – can take control, with miserable and dangerous consequences, instead of us being the one truly in charge of what we consume.

The best thing is that I have no cravings. When I imagine eating a processed biscuit, a well-known brand, I immediately feel like wanting to eat several, my mouth almost salivates… but when I imagine eating my own low-baked goods or any of the low-fat treats I might buy… nothing. Those urges just aren’t there.

Here’s what I did – and just to add,  I am not medically qualified. If you are at all concerned about your cholesterol or want to change your diet for any reason, you should consult your doctor first.

Firstly, I went on the Heart UK website my own doctor suggested I consult. I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS SITE HIGHLY ENOUGH – it will explain cholesterol and tell you everything you need to remove from, or add to your diet, and the recipes are fantastic.

Benecol – I’ve added products into my diet that contain plant stanols. These are proven to lower cholesterol. I have a yogurt drink on my breakfast every day, and use the Benecol light spread.

Oats are great at lowering cholesterol. I never used to be a huge fan of porridge but have it every other day now with blueberries, strawberries, chopped walnut halves, a Benecol no added sugar yogurt drink and a teaspoon of Agave syrup (instead of honey) – and even I think it’s pretty delicious! I alternate this with fruit and muesli. Also, when baking, sometimes I’ll add in oats to replace some of the flour.

Choose good fats, foods that are rich in unsaturated fats – it’s the saturated fat that you need to avoid that so often appears in processed foods, and animal products. So I eat walnuts for breakfast every day, avocado now and again, oily fish at least a couple of times a week, salmon and tuna being my favourite, and olives. And use vegetable based oils and spreads. Fats are an important part of the diet, just the right ones.

Low fat baking – it’s easier than I thought. The Heart UK site has some great recipes for savoury dishes but also a load of sweet treats like muffins and flapjacks, and there are many, many healthy recipes on the internet. It often means swapping butter for yogurt and I use the Benecol spread to bake with as well. Also fruits and vegetables can be used to make baking taste sweet without all the sugar, such as banana loaf, pear flan, carrot cake, blueberry rock cakes – the list of low fat/calorie recipes on the internet is endless and quite adventurous. If you go to @samanthatongeauthor on Instagram there are many photos of everything I’ve baked.

This baking aspect has been really important for me because I am a great coffee and cake lover and it means that I don’t feel deprived or as if I am missing out. And more than once the family has said they prefer these recipes as they don’t feel over-full afterwards.

Puddings are no problem either – fruit crumbles with a healthier topping, Ambrosia light rice pudding is nice, and the Heart UK site has a brilliant recipe for a fruit flan that I’ve made several times using different fruits and flavoured essences.

There are low-fat baked snacks to buy that are healthy – some of the flavoured oat biscuits by Nairns taste lovely, Soreen loaf bars are great, tea cakes are okay too, popcorn and popchips crisps… it’s about doing your research and looking at labels.  Look at the fat content. Look at the saturated fat content. Look at the traffic light labels.

There are plenty of healthy ways to fill up – wild or brown rice, home-made potato wedges using a little olive oil spray and herbs, boiled potatoes with their skins on, wholemeal bread, and, of course, lots of veggies, salads and fruit. 

Exercise is also key to lowering your cholesterol – I do a ten minute (yes, that’s all) cycle ride first thing and a couple of walks (to the shops or around the block) during the day. So it doesn’t need to be difficult.

Eating out is also fine. Do your research online. Study menus (many put the calorie content on there these days, and that’s a guide). I recently went out to an Indian restaurant and stuck to the tandoori dishes as they are cooked in a drier way, in a clay oven, they aren’t curries with possible rich, fatty sauces. I also had boiled rice, a Tandoori roti on the side (flatbread) and a salad as well. Lovely!

Desserts out are more of a challenge, but I’m in the process now of occasionally adding a treat to my diet – maybe a pudding out, a hot chocolate now and again – and then have agreed with my doctor I’ll have my cholesterol tested at Christmas, to see if it’s made much difference.

Of course, not all people will be able to  lower their cholesterol through diet – and at that point you will need to discuss other options with your doctor. But changing to a healthier lifestyle regardless can only be beneficial for you physically and mentally, in the short and long term.

It can sound daunting at first but stick with it – I don’t think twice about cooking everything from scratch now and my palate has completely changed, I just don’t crave the foods I used to comfort myself with. I’m so much happier, I feel so much fitter and most importantly, I’m no longer as scared about my health in the future.  In fact I feel better about everything and my new more balanced way of living helps me deal with the ups and downs of an author’s life.

However the phrase New Beginnings implies you draw a line under something and start again. But I don’t see it like that. To me you are still continuing the same journey, just with new motivations or skills – or both.

Regular readers of this blog will know my life has undergone some big changes in recent years – kick-started by getting treatment for a drink problem in 2016.

But I’m still me. Still Sam the wife, mother, friend. I live in the same house. Have the same career. I still love cats and cake and coffee. I still make lumpy mashed potato and dance as if no one is watching when a disco tune comes on the radio.

But spiritually, mentally, emotionally I have started over –  things have fundamentally changed, due to the skills that addiction treatment, mindfulness and Buddhism taught me.

Take a health crisis I had shortly before Christmas. I suffered unexpected side effects from a medical procedure. It was scary. Yet I handled it so much better than I would have done a few years ago.  In the past I would have catastrophized the situation and held it up as something really major – and I would have nurtured huge resentments over what had happened. Why me?

But Buddhism has taught me that life is full of ups and downs, so don’t attach to either. Good things happen and then pass. Bad ones do too. So, after the initial upset that perspective has really helped me through this challenging time.

Then there is AA  – that organisation has taught me to accept the things I cannot change. And that’s what I have done. Instead of continuing to cry about the “what if”s” and  “it’s not fair”s I’ve accepted what happened.

And that is how I now deal with the ups and downs of my writing career. Since I focused on my mental health,  I have gained the ability to create distance between me and areas of my life that are sometimes stressful – to realise that if one book doesn’t do as well as another, for example, it’s not my fault. The universe isn’t out to get me. It’s just the way a writing career rolls. Of course, sometimes I get upset – I’m only human – but I re-calibrate, I re-center myself so much more quickly than I used to.

Learning about gratitude has been a massive help too and overall I’m just hugely grateful for the success I’ve had and the fact I am doing a job I love.

So if you want to change your life… if you feel unhappy with the status quo but are unable to move to that cottage by the sea or leave that demanding job or land an agent… don’t feel hopeless. New Beginnings are VERY possible just by changing the way you deal with the world and other people. Sometimes external change DOES need to happen – but  may not be possible straightaway.

So changing internally will help you cope until you are able to alter the situation you are in.

Changing your inside will help you cope with the outside. There is a saying in AA – “It doesn’t get better, but you do”.

And if you could have moved to that cottage by the sea it might have proved lonely. Gaining a less demanding job might not have satisfied you intellectually. That may not have been the right agent for you. The life outside of you is, to some degree, out of your control and will suffer peaks and troughs whatever happens. And accepting that alone has been one of the most important realisations for me. These days there are so many expectations out there that we should be happy, happy, happy, the whole time –  so that when something goes wrong we feel as if it shouldn’t have.

But take a step back from that point of view. Is it logical? NO. Bereavement happens. So do fall-outs. Redundancy. Rejections. Ill health. World crises. Life is about joyous times, but hard ones as well. And once you accept that, the difficult times can be easier to manage because you don’t feel quite as targeted.

So why not approach this year by joining a mindfulness class? Or writing a daily gratitude journal?

The New Beginnings that really matter are the ones that take place inside. Fundamentally changing your thought processes and perspective is like magic and really can see you through anything.

Best of luck. And have a wonderful 2020!

During one session in recovery services I was asked to think of something in my life that I’d achieved – and then to analyse how I’d done that. It could be anything that had taken work and time – passing an exam, frequently getting out of the house whilst feeling depressed, saving to buy house, leaving an abusive marriage… the discussion amongst the group was very interesting.

For me I thought about getting published and as I spoke the parallels between that process and getting sober appeared.

It took me eight years to get a deal. During that time I got rejection after rejection. But I picked myself up after the initial tears and kept on writing and submitting my manuscripts.

And during the first few weeks of being in addiction services I kept on stopping drinking – but slipping again. So I tried again. And again.

I remember similar senses of entitlement. When I sent off my first ever manuscript I was upset but also kind of baffled that I received a rejection… I thought that completing a novel was amazing enough to gain a publisher! In the same way, I thought it was enough to finally take the plunge and get into addiction services. I expected the group sessions to magically get me sober; that I was kind of owed that recovery in the same way I’d thought, all those years ago, that I was owed a publishing deal.

Then it hit me about six weeks into treatment: I was going to have to do this myself – albeit with the facilitators’ advice. And I was going to have to work bloody hard at it – just like the writing. No one else would write and polish and submit my novels. It was important to learn my craft and take advice form other authors and How To books etc etc… but, ultimately, it was going to be down to me.

There were big hurdles along the way to achieving both my goals of being published and staying sober. An agent chased me at one point but, ultimately, told me to move on, they were no longer interested. And, three months into recovery, I relapsed. Both of these set-backs were hard and getting through the first helped with the second. Trying to get published had taught me there was no point in pity parties. All I could do was pick myself up and carry on working towards my goal.

That’s the key. Taking it one day at a time. If I’d thought ahead when I’d first started writing, and considered that it might take me YEARS to get a deal, I wonder if I’d have carried on. And when I first went into addiction services would I have stayed there if I’d known about the day to day, month to month, year to year, challenges ahead?

Because it has been hard. The first half of this year was very wobbly for my recovery. But I got through it, one day at a time, not thinking about the future, not thinking about the past.

A therapist suggested I write a positivity diary to help with my mental health issues. Each day I was told to write down a couple of good things about myself. It was hard at first but, over time, it helped change my low opinion of myself. So if you are struggling to get published, do the same to make yourself realise that you ARE  progressing. Perhaps today you finished a difficult chapter or took another rejection on the chin. Write that down. Or keep a daily word count, however big or small. It’s the sum of all these very important little things that, in time, will help you achieve the bigger ones.

Of course, one can never get complacent. Even though I’m about to have my 12th novel The Christmas Calendar Girls published, I am only ever one breath away from a potentially bad review or a downturn in sales. Even though I am 1000 days sober I am only one breath away from relapsing again. The working hard and learning must never stop.

Good luck with your goals. Forget the what ifs and if onlys. Focus on what you are doing and achieving in the present moment and that will be all the magic you need to get there

At a first glance it looks okay. But on closer inspection something isn’t quite right. It isn’t in the best of shape. It doesn’t look vibrant and alive. And this got me thinking about how good people are at hiding their problems so that, on the surface, they look as if everything is fine. No one knew about my drinking issues and the internal turmoil that caused them.  I still looked after the family and did my job. I still smiled and laughed and made jokes.

It’s a lonely, isolating business, having a mental health illness and if you know someone who’s suffering here’s what you can do – and these points are for me just as much as anyone. Just because I’ve “been there” doesn’t mean I don’t need reminding of how I can best help someone else who’s struggling.

(Just to note, the following suggestions are based on my own experience as a patient of addiction treatment (alcohol/eating) who has felt anxious/depressed – not as a trained medic -and as such they are not necessarily applicable to any specific mental health diagnosis such as bipolar, suicidal thoughts/tendencies or psychotic episodes etc.)

Empathy. This is absolutely crucial and on a training course I did to peer mentor young people in addiction we discussed it in depth. Empathy is not starting a sentence with “at least” – for example “at least you have a family to support you,” “at least you have a great job,” “at least you have a roof over your head,” and so on. The outside factors are irrelevant. It’s what’s happening on the inside that counts – as proven by the many celebrities who end up in treatment despite, on the surface, having the perfect life with money, fame, good looks, great careers…

Empathy is about LISTENING and not necessarily trying to fix things. I find this personally very difficult, especially as a parent – if someone’s having a tough time I want to jump in and immediately start offering what I think are solutions. But more often than not people just want to talk and be heard. That’s all. It’s about giving them the time and space to do this. It’s about simply saying that’s tough, I’m sorry to hear you are suffering – I’m here for you. It’s about giving hugs – that emotional and physical support means so much.

See the illness for what it is – something separate. If someone breaks their leg, you see that as something separate to the patient and it should be the same with mental health. If someone has depression or anxiety or whatever, that person is still there, somewhere inside – the mental illness is a medical problem they are suffering from, it’s not them.

My drinking and eating disorder issues, caused by my mental health problems, made me isolate. Made me lie. Made me over-sensitive. Defensive. Made me emotional. Tearful… in the same way a broken leg might make you walk funny or wince in pain or not be able to get out much socially.

If you can see the mental illness as a separate entity that might help you have more empathy if you are finding that difficult – because the mental illness of others is difficult to live with and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself for having conflicted feelings about this. Poor mental health can feel impossible to understand. Back in the day I even had a doctor tell me to simply eat normally. Irrational behaviour is difficult to explain and can lead to frustration and impatience growing in people trying to help. And I get it. There’s nothing worse than feeling helpless in the face of someone you care for being so unhappy. But try to see the anxiety – or whatever the problem is – as a beast your loved one is trying to tame, as opposed to being part of them.

Whilst just listening is crucial, if you feel the time is right, don’t feel afraid to nudge people towards treatment options. Although this has to be well-judged. With any mental illness – especially addiction – the patient, him/herself, has to acknowledge they have a problem and get help. They have to be ready. But – going by personal experience where I’ve helped people – there is nothing wrong with subtle suggestions, over time, to plant the seeds of an idea that maybe a visit to the GP or counselling could be helpful. Don’t be so forceful, don’t put so much pressure on that you scare the person away, but at the same time make it easy for them to access the information they need. Perhaps leave some leaflets lying around or message them a couple of links and leave it at that for a while.

Don’t give up on them. For the last couple of years I’ve cancelled no end of engagements. Pulled out at the last minute. Said yes but meant no. Yet still friends and family ask me out and I’m grateful. Try not to take it personally if someone pulls out of an event. It won’t be that they don’t want to see you or don’t see the invite as something important and appreciated. If they rang up and said they’d been struck down by gastric flu you’d understand. Try to accept that a sudden bout of anxiety or low feelings is no different. As author and mental health advocate Matt Haig is always saying, physical health, mental health, it’s all part of the same.

Very importantly – think about your own needs. Firstly, you are no good to anyone else if you don’t look after yourself and become ill… but secondly, and more importantly, you matter too. It can be draining and emotionally challenging being there for someone who is sick. Sometimes  you have to be put yourself first in order to keep well. Indeed, this mindset helps me maintain my recovery. A couple of times over the last year or two I have had to distance myself from people who are ill because it might threaten my own mental strength and sobriety. This is not selfishness – it is self-care. Or, as we call it in the addiction world, keeping yourself safe.

Lastly, I would like to thank anyone reading this post who supports – or is considering offering support to – a friend or family member in need. Give yourself a big pat on the back. It is all too easy to turn a blind eye, to take the easy route and not get involved.

You never know if one day you too might end up needing treatment. I know that better than anyone and during those times it is the patience, the understanding and love of people that matters most.

This was not planned but the characters overtook me. Their story demanded to be written and I was often writing 5000 words a day.

It didn’t feel as if I was rushing – and I would never advocate that. In my experience the plot and characters of every book dictate how quickly or slowly you write that particular novel.

Having said that, I do believe I can offer some tips if you feel you are struggling – or if you are about to take part in November’s yearly NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

Although just to note – writing is my full-time job. My children are not small. My husband has been equally busy this last month. To a degree my time has been my own.

Main character – I don’t get hung up on getting to know my main character before I start. I used to go though all those processes recommended in books about writing. Like *sitting down* with my character and asking him/her twenty questions about their favourite hobby, colour, type of clothing, pet etc. And this technique work for many authors, but not me anymore. I just decide on the basics and crack on. This means that as I write each chapter I discover new things about my protagonist and keep go back to tweak what I’ve already written. By around chapter six I usually know him/her pretty well and can just continue forwards with no more back-tracking.

Research – to a degree the same applies here. I do a considerable amount before starting, so that the words can just flow. For this book I’ve had to thoroughly research a particular job, which involved interviewing someone and watching youtube videos – and I also needed to look into various emotional issues and a specific period in history. But once I’ve started I try not to become obsessed with checking every fact and item of data. I try to leave as much of the smaller stuff as I can to the rewrite, so that the flow of prose and dialogue isn’t interrupted during that heartfelt first draft.

I get up early – my alarm goes off at 6.30am and I am on my bicycle by 7. By 7.30am I am back indoors and at my desk. I’ll catch up on social media and that write usually a chapter before a bath and breakfast around 10.30am. That leaves the rest of the day to go over the morning’s work, to write maybe another chapter and then fit in domestic priorities. Talking of which…

A degree of selfishness is necessary to write this many words in a month  – and I don’t feel apologetic about that. This is my career. It pays bills. So I may cook from scratch say three times a week. Other members of the household do their bit and then if we’re all busy it’s a case of getting takeaway or using convenience foods. Housework is pared down to the minimum. I’m not superwoman. I know my limits. If I’m going to dedicate more time than usual to one aspect of my life then something else is going to have to give.

Create a diverse cast of characters  (obviously only if that fits your story). Book 12 stars a wide range of eclectic personalities and in the end  I had to cut some out as they all had so much to say – and because they were so different from each other the writing always felt fresh. This is one of the main reasons I didn’t hit writer’s block or find I had a single day where the writing felt samey and dragged.

A mind free from *stuff* – don’t put yourself under pressure to attempt to up your word count if you are current facing personal challenges. Writing this book made me realise just how much my mental health had improved since finding myself in an addiction clinic in 2016 (I talk about that here and how it inspired my latest novel Forgive Me Not) . With book 12 I’ve been going to sleep each night planning the next chapter. This meant that when I got up the next morning I could crack on without any prior thought.

But I haven’t worked like this for years. When my mental health issues were most challenging the time nodding off would be spent going over and over my problems, negative thoughts whirring. These days I’m so grateful that my mind is free from a lot of that *stuff*. If yours isn’t then be kind to you. Concentrate on getting better. I took a step back from my career for around 18 months to get to the place I am now. Writing a novel in a month is exciting – but intense.

Log your word count each day. I did this in a notebook, however little I’d written, and found it so inspiring because it acted as concrete proof that my book was growing and that every day’s efforts mattered. I also posted my daily word counts on Twitter with a suitable gif, just before I logged off at the end of each afternoon. It felt like a fun reward for all the hard work I’d put in.

Coffee. Lots of coffee. And chocolate helps too. Like anything extreme – and writing in this way is – it’s not the healthiest of options. But everything in moderation. I’m now getting back to my normal routine.

Take breaks  This is very important to maintain your energy and motivation. If you try to work all hours or fit this one month writing challenge around other responsibilities such as a job or small children without taking breaks, you will end up ill or burnt out and suffering from writer’s block. During the day I would make sure I got out once for a walk to the shops or to meet a friend for coffee. I also had a strict cut-off time and finished each day no later than 7pm and then spent the evening relaxing.

And I certainly would never advise working like this month in, month out. Part of the reason I ended up ill in 2016 was due to stretching the days and stretching my working week over the weekends. You can only do so much.

I wish you the best of luck! And if you set yourself this challenge, I congratulate you for whatever amount you write. Being an author is a tough business. Inspiration doesn’t arrive on tap. But when it strikes, perhaps grab that moment and look for your takeout leaflets and coffee pot

Here are the most stand-out elements of the knowledge I’ve gained.

There is no such thing as normal – you will often hear someone with poor mental health enviously say they wish they were normal. It’s a false aspiration because every person has their story behind the scenes. Normality cannot be defined and therefore doesn’t exist. A better word to use is “ordinary”. And ordinary life it one to be valued where the small things matter like a beautiful sunrise or kind gesture.  One key to good mental health is learning to be satisfied with the great things you’ve already got that you may be overlooking; and realising you don’t need to chase the high life to be happy.

Mother Nature has wired us think negatively –  to protect us from taking risks. Once you recognise this you are given the power to understand your negative thinking and dismiss it. So try to identify those voices that are holding you back; telling you to be afraid of trying something new – telling you that you won’t be any good. Mother Nature was right to make us wary when we went hunting – but it’s less relevant if it’s about contacting a potential agent or going on a first date.

Other types of negative thinking can be disarmed once they see them for what they are. For example mindreading – thinking  you know what other people are thinking. Say a friend walks down the street and ignores you, an immediate assumption might be that you’ve done something wrong and your self-esteem plummets. The thing is, you don’t have a crystal ball and don’t know the truth. Perhaps your friend didn’t see you or is simply having a bad day. And try not to label yourself. “I’m a bad person”. And ditch black and white thinking, like “I never get things right”. You’re human. Sometimes you will make mistakes. This doesn’t define you.

Mindfulness has taught me to live in the present and this helps mental health enormously. You can’t change the past so don’t let it fester. You can’t predict the future so there’s no point thinking about it. Took a bad interview yesterday? It’s over. Move on. Convinced you’ll fail the one tomorrow. You don’t know that so there is no point worrying. All of this seems very easy to say, but from personal experience I know that it really is possible, over time, to retrain your mind.

Buddhism has taught me not to attach to the good or bad times. A spate of great book reviews? Enjoy but it may not last. A poor sales ranking? That won’t last forever either. Any career – like life – enjoys peaks and suffers troughs. Buddhism has made me realise that attachment – to anything – brings expectations and that can lead to disappointment, feeling like a failure and low self-esteem if things don’t go to plan. I find it’s much healthier if I accept that life – health, careers, relationships – is fluid and ever-changing. This is especially useful if I suffer a set-back. I now have the perspective to look back and see the proof that terrible things may happen but life does move forwards again, eventually.

Talking really is good – for years I hid my eating disorder issues and later my problems with alcohol. I ended up feeling as if I was leading a double life. People have said I’m brave for coming out about my poor mental health but, to be honest, it just feels like a massive relief. And it’s been humbling, since speaking publicly, how many people have contacted me privately to share their problems. It’s worrying, as well, that they feel they have to hide their conditions. We wouldn’t hide an arthritic hand or sickness bug. We shouldn’t have to hide illnesses of the mind.

I learnt that treatment can be hard to get. I wasn’t at the end of the alcoholic spectrum, drinking 24/7 and needing a detox, and therefore my path wasn’t straightforward. Alcohol services have been cut and certainly in my locality funding for patients not as far into addiction has been lost. And it’s also a well-documented fact that nationally the treatment available for eating disorder sufferers is dismal, even though out of all mental illnesses it’s the one with the highest suicide rate…

BUT

I feel positive about the future – finally people are being more open. Talking about poor mental health is the only way we can get rid of stigma and save lives. It’s the only way governments will realise more needs to be done. And that’s one reason I’m so glad my new novel, Forgive Me Not, is getting into the hands of readers. I hope it offers an insight into addiction and the related mental health issues.

So if you’re going through a difficult time, don’t be ashamed of feeling down. Statistics prove you are far from alone. Open up. Tell someone. And begin your journey to getting better.

I’m exceptionally grateful for the treatment and support I’ve had. During the process of recovery I’ve learnt a lot about how to cope with the stresses and strains of modern life, thanks to group therapy, counselling, AA, Buddhism and mindfulness.

A large positive is that I’m now learning to deal – it’s still a work in progress – much better with my career as an author. So, fellow writers, here are my top tips for keeping yourself safe from poor mental health.

Firstly manage your expectations. Before I got published I used to dream about signing a movie deal and would imagine myself on a red carpet. If you do this you’re setting yourself up for failure. Film rights sell but the movie you fantasise about rarely comes to fruition. So don’t start off by coveting the success of the biggest bestselling authors. Just finishing  a manuscript is a huge achievement, let alone getting it published. Take your career step by step – it’s a cliche but I visualise mine as a ladder. You eventually bag an agent. Or a publisher. Perhaps both. Your first book is out. Then your second. Then another. Perhaps one or more of your books appear in foreign languages or audio format. You gain a bestseller flag on Amazon. Maybe you win an award.

But none of this is going to happen at once. It’s a long road to writerly success punctuated with disappointments – they are part of the journey. Never forget to appreciate the small things. A positive rejection letter. A good review. A lovely book cover. That was one of my problems before – I was always chasing the bigger picture. I work hard at not doing that now and feel much happier and fulfilled.

Secondly – realise your work is not you. What I mean by this is… if you get a bad review, never forget that is someone’s opinion of your writing, NOT YOU AS A PERSON.  If one of my books sank in the charts, for example, I used to tell myself I had failed. And that led me to seek unhelpful coping mechanisms to make myself feel better, such as drinking or eating junk food.

Nowadays I distance myself and whilst my writing is my vocation, my lifeblood, I try to be more clinical and objective about certain aspects.

And don’t obsess over reviews or rankings. Limit how often you go into Goodreads or onto Amazon.

Thirdly – don’t get carried away with the branding. I used to love promoting my romantic comedies and was a real kittens and cupcakes kind of author. But then, when my mental health became poor, this became tough. I didn’t feel I could talk about the challenges I was facing as they didn’t match that image. An image that was the real me but, as my health failed, didn’t represent the whole. So my advice – some may disagree – is that whilst branding is very important it mustn’t have the final say on how you use social media.

Fourthly – one of the gift’s from AA is the  mantra “Accept the things you cannot change” In the past I used to stew about the what ifs, and if onlys. What’s the point? Now I’ll simply shrug my shoulders – it’s not always easy – and say to myself “It is what it is”. This is extremely liberating and gets rid of the pent up frustration.

This ties into mindfulness – focusing on the present. Had a bad review yesterday? No matter. It’s been and gone. Worried about next week’s book signing? No point. It will be what it will be. Getting anxious and projecting into the future won’t change that. You haven’t got a crystal ball. Don’t fool yourself that you have.

Lastly and on personal note as someone recovering from alcoholism and eating disorders, keep an eye on your drinking and food habits. Alcohol is a big part of the publishing industry. Wine o’clock. Prosecco parties. Boozy book launches. Drinking in moderation, in a social setting is one thing – but drinking to change the way you feel is quite another. If that’s what you are doing you need to see this as a warning sign. I used to drink to further boost the great feeling of a good ranking. Or to make myself feel chirpier after a poor review. Slowly, insidiously this escalated and before I knew it I could find any excuse.

If you do anything – drinking, eating, shopping, gambling – to give yourself a boost, to take the edge off a disappointment, to relax yourself after a busy day, then you are doing it to change the way you feel and need to step back before it becomes addictive and out of control.

Find different, healthier coping mechanisms. Go for a walk. Meet a friend for a chat. Have a candle-lit bath. Learn to meditate.

I love my career and feel blessed to have had so many novels published, to have had bestellers. My writing hasn’t been to blame for my problems. Nothing – no one – is to blame but myself and the way I’ve dealt with challenges. But do yourself a favour and bear these tips in mind. Being an author is a wonderful thing if you have the right tools to deal with the rollercoaster ride. 

Also, I won’t ever take for granted the life I have now. During those nine months in services I got to know people who were or had been homeless. One was a rough sleeper. She is in drug addiction and shared her story with me. A story that was one of the things that inspired my new book, Forgive Me Not.

She knew I was writing this novel and opened up about her life on the streets. How she used some of the money the public gave her for drugs – to keep her “topped up” to a level that made her existence bearable. The rest was collected to hopefully pay for a Bed & Breakfast each night. She needed £80 for that and didn’t always reach her target. In that case she’d sleep in the doorway of a shop that had CCTV. She felt safer that way.

I saw her recently for the first time in months, back in her usual spot. She gave me a hug. Said she was proud of my book. Asked how I was. Said I looked well. We exchanged the usual banter. I gave her some money. She thanked me profusely. As usual her cheerful, upbeat gratitude and attitude touched me deeply.

It’s easy to dehumanise the homeless – to see these people as them not us. But due to spending many hours in AA – due to all my research – I’ve learnt how any one of us could find ourselves in their situation. The reasons behind homelessness are very varied.

Care leavers, aged 18, with no family in their lives, are an especially vulnerable group. As are Army veterans with PTSD. Plus those in situations of domestic violence or those with other mental health issues. Another friend in treatment was forced to flee an abusive domestic set-up, leaving everything behind. She had no choice but to go into a hostel and start her life again from scratch.

Life-changing events make people vulnerable, if they suffer a trauma such a bereavement that sends them into a depression that means they can’t face work, they can’t pay bills, they don’t  care about themselves or responsibilities any more…

And then there’s addiction. One single incident can trigger a very rapid spiral into homelessness. Say an addict one day loses their job. They can’t pay the rent or mortgage. Finally their family’s had enough of the behaviours that now worsen.  As have friends…

I’m so grateful I hit my rock bottom before reaching the end of the alcoholism spectrum – before I did real damage to other people; before I found myself heading down that spiral. Wine o’clock could have had a far from glamorous ending.

It’s impossible to live in a city – I’m in Manchester – and not be aware of the homelessness tragedy. I stop to give change. Sometimes I have a quick chat. Not all rough sleepers are in addiction but due to my experience I guess it’s not difficult for me to see past the violent, aggressive or anti-social behaviours in the ones that are; to realise that person who might be using to the point of oblivion once had a life like mine with loved ones, mates, a purpose to get up each day – and a place to live. To realise that if they didn’t have all those things, they’ve probably come from a challenging background of mental health issues or neglect.

If you feel you want to improve a rough sleeper’s life in some small way but don’t want to give them money, here is a list of things that would be so useful. Pound shops provide them all cheaply.

Sanitary protection

Vitamin tablets

Deoderant

Socks

Hand wipes

Tissues

Chapstick

Plasters

.

Next week I’ll be blogging about the mental health challenges I’ve faced over the last couple of years that brought about this new direction. I reached a point where I said to my agent I just don’t think I can write romantic comedy any more. It’s not in me. The spark has gone. Deep within I felt a seriousness, a weight, even though my mental health was improving. And a kind of clarity that something inside me had shifted and my writing needed to reflect that.

That’s the thing. Us authors write from the heart. I’ve passionately written all of those nine previous books but just didn’t have the same motivation as the weeks became months in 2017. It would have been impossible. Which is kind of ironic as I’d always thought of myself as a very commercially-minded author, but if you’d offered me a million pounds I couldn’t have come up with the goods.

However I did have an idea for a book with characters I could relate to. A mental health problem can create turmoil within a family – and with friends and sometimes the community, as is the case with the protagonist Emma in Forgive Me Not… before I knew it I’d sketched out character profiles and a plot.

But the story wasn’t funny. The main thrust of it wasn’t romantic. I wasn’t sure how my writing style would fit this new genre. I wasn’t sure if I was up to writing in a new way with no one-liners, nor a humorous tone. I didn’t know if my readers would follow me along my new path.

But I had to do it. So with the guidance of my incredible agent I started. And it was tough. The first draft virtually needed to be scratched and I almost gave up. But a writer’s heart is a powerful tool. It kept nudging me and eventually I began again with renewed passion.

It was a nerve-wracking process sending out the manuscript to editors and a particularly emotional moment came when I read the email in which my new editor, Michael Bhaskar, expressed his passion for, and belief in, my new project. With his expertise the manuscript was polished further. When I saw the fantastic cover the Canelo team created everything fell into place and I felt that this genre was where my work – at the moment anyway – should be.

Now the whole creative process for that story is over I can see that the new book is still “me”. I feel there’s an underlying warmth that is the signature of my previous books. And I’m absolutely thrilled with the early reactions I’ve had to Emma’s story. It’s early days but perhaps this is going to go okay!

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to follow your heart. I’ve always believed that someone’s greatest achievements don’t come from the comfort zone and that an author must continually set themselves challenges. It is too easy to become complacent, especially if you find a degree of success. Although that doesn’t necessarily mean changing genre – for example, in One Summer In Rome a character is blind, and it took research and care to write their story. And my author friends and favourite writers never cease to amaze me with the innovative story after story they come up with.

It’s been a scary twelve months. I’m an author with bills to pay, it’s my career, and I have a lovely loyal readership for my comedy writing. One might say this change of direction is something of a risk. Yet I feel it’s too easy to become pigeon-holed as a writer. I recently attended an evening with Matt Haig who has written fiction, non-fiction, children’s stories… and I find that very inspiring. I’ve written many stories from a child’s point of view for The People’s Friend magazine and have often felt a hankering to write a novel for youngsters. And now I’m thinking well… why not?

Humans change over time – I’m not the same person I was twenty, ten, five or even two years ago – so it’s perhaps, naive, to expect our writing not to change as well.