During one session in recovery services I was asked to think of something in my life that I’d achieved – and then to analyse how I’d done that. It could be anything that had taken work and time – passing an exam, frequently getting out of the house whilst feeling depressed, saving to buy house, leaving an abusive marriage… the discussion amongst the group was very interesting.

For me I thought about getting published and as I spoke the parallels between that process and getting sober appeared.

It took me eight years to get a deal. During that time I got rejection after rejection. But I picked myself up after the initial tears and kept on writing and submitting my manuscripts.

And during the first few weeks of being in addiction services I kept on stopping drinking – but slipping again. So I tried again. And again.

I remember similar senses of entitlement. When I sent off my first ever manuscript I was upset but also kind of baffled that I received a rejection… I thought that completing a novel was amazing enough to gain a publisher! In the same way, I thought it was enough to finally take the plunge and get into addiction services. I expected the group sessions to magically get me sober; that I was kind of owed that recovery in the same way I’d thought, all those years ago, that I was owed a publishing deal.

Then it hit me about six weeks into treatment: I was going to have to do this myself – albeit with the facilitators’ advice. And I was going to have to work bloody hard at it – just like the writing. No one else would write and polish and submit my novels. It was important to learn my craft and take advice form other authors and How To books etc etc… but, ultimately, it was going to be down to me.

There were big hurdles along the way to achieving both my goals of being published and staying sober. An agent chased me at one point but, ultimately, told me to move on, they were no longer interested. And, three months into recovery, I relapsed. Both of these set-backs were hard and getting through the first helped with the second. Trying to get published had taught me there was no point in pity parties. All I could do was pick myself up and carry on working towards my goal.

That’s the key. Taking it one day at a time. If I’d thought ahead when I’d first started writing, and considered that it might take me YEARS to get a deal, I wonder if I’d have carried on. And when I first went into addiction services would I have stayed there if I’d known about the day to day, month to month, year to year, challenges ahead?

Because it has been hard. The first half of this year was very wobbly for my recovery. But I got through it, one day at a time, not thinking about the future, not thinking about the past.

A therapist suggested I write a positivity diary to help with my mental health issues. Each day I was told to write down a couple of good things about myself. It was hard at first but, over time, it helped change my low opinion of myself. So if you are struggling to get published, do the same to make yourself realise that you ARE  progressing. Perhaps today you finished a difficult chapter or took another rejection on the chin. Write that down. Or keep a daily word count, however big or small. It’s the sum of all these very important little things that, in time, will help you achieve the bigger ones.

Of course, one can never get complacent. Even though I’m about to have my 12th novel The Christmas Calendar Girls published, I am only ever one breath away from a potentially bad review or a downturn in sales. Even though I am 1000 days sober I am only one breath away from relapsing again. The working hard and learning must never stop.

Good luck with your goals. Forget the what ifs and if onlys. Focus on what you are doing and achieving in the present moment and that will be all the magic you need to get there

Here are some of the HURDLES I’ve faced and how I’ve got over them.

Rejections – I started writing in 2005 and sure enough, the rejections soon started coming in after I submitted my first novel. And I’m in good company. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected 20 times, Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind almost 40. I have a pile of over 80 rejections upstairs in a folder for various  manuscripts. For some reason I can’t throw them away. I think it’s because they represent my journey and if I’m going through tough times now they are a pertinent reminder that failure only exists if you give in. But how did I overcome that sense of disappointment and the tears? I sought the support of my online and real-life writing friends. Becoming part of an author community gave me perspective and made  me realise I was not alone – that publishers or agents turning down my manuscripts wasn’t personal. And hearing success stories of writers who’d been in my position but still eventually got that publishing deal was great motivation. So don’t write in a vacuum – network and find some support.

Writer’s Block – this doesn’t happen to me often and that’s because I view my work as very diverse. Stuck on a chapter? Go and write a blog post instead. Or a short story. Or go to a cafeteria and plan the chapter roughly by hand – that always works for me. I consider all of this to still be writing and it takes away the sense of failure if I’m staring at a blank page. Or go and read a book for inspiration. It all counts. Failing that, simply take a break for a couple of hours, a day, a week…

And remember the words of Margaret Atwood: “If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.” Just write something. Get on with it. Leave the refining to the rewrite.

Bad Reviews – this isn’t something I thought about before signing my first deal. All I’d dreamt of was beautiful covers, shelfies and launch parties. Yet the first rating I ever received for my debut book, on GoodReads, wasn’t glowing and made me sharply aware that I was going to need to toughen up. Sadly my  horrified expression was captured in my passport photo taken the next day although I’m glad to say that the book became a Kindle bestseller. I can laugh now, but at the time it was upsetting. However, over the years I have learnt to ignore the insulting reviews. I accept that all books get their fair share of poor ones and this is confirmed whenever I look up my favourite authors on Amazon. Some writers never read their reviews – and that is one way of dealing with it. I read every single one, with an open mind, as long as it is constructive (and polite!). It’s interesting to read the criticism, some of which I take on board if I think it makes a fair point.

My work is ME – this attitude is very debilitating and one that needs to be quashed. It’s hard for creative folk to separate themselves from their work, especially if they do it full-time. I went through a very challenging period a couple of years ago when I felt that if a book didn’t do as well as the previous one I, as a person, had failed. This, of course, is rubbish. Writing is my job – not me. I’m also a wife. A mother. A daughter. A friend. A reader. A cook. A homemaker. A fan of Buddhism. A linguist. A Walking Dead fan. And many other things.

You need to separate YOU from your authorly alter ego. Never believe that you are the sum of your sales. There are many dimensions to you. Writing is only one of them.

Self-doubt – I blogged about Imposter Syndrome here – that feeling that we’re not really authors and that someone will one day find us out. Published or unpublished we are plagued by self-doubt, especially before that first deal, but if you are putting finger to keyboard and honing your craft, you don’t simply need a contract to validate that YOU ARE A WRITER. So give the post a read and find out how I overcome those negative voices.

Rewrite Blues – these hit me recently after feedback. I almost gave up on the project but now I’m so glad I perservered. I blogged about how to cope with this here. Just remember that if someone is willing to put in the time to give you detailed, challenging feedback, it means they believe in you and your work. Step back. Deep breaths. Don’t take it personally and then get on with making your manuscript really sing.

KEEP ON GOING, whatever your own hurdles may be. It took me eight years to land my first publishing deal and it’s been worth every minute of what I call The Wilderness Years, when I was writing and submitting – although I won’t add “with little success” because the success was that during that time I was learning my craft.

And last up – manage your expectations. I couldn’t believe my first ever submission was rejected – oh, the ignorance of an ingenue! Forget red carpet film adaptation deals and literary prizes. As JK Rowling once said on Twitter (about her and her alter ego Robert Galbraith):
“Believe me, neither @RGalbraith nor I walk around thinking we’re fab. We just shoot for ‘writing better than yesterday’”.

I’ve never known a writer – who didn’t give up – not to get their work out there.  Believe in yourself. Improve your art. And don’t get your passport photo taken after your first ever bad review because you’ll be stuck with it for ten years

Be wary of New Year’s Resolutions. It’s that time of year, isn’t it, when we are supposed to promise ourselves – and/or others – that we will change in some way, and somehow become better versions of ourselves. I am all for setting achievable goals, but don’t set the benchmark too high. Before getting a deal I used to say each January “This year I will get published.” It doesn’t work like that. I said that for eight years and believe me, I tried! First you have to write a great manuscript. Then tightly edit it. Next attract the attention of an agent or publisher. Then you have to get that contract. All of this is an awful lot to expect to achieve in twelve months. As is “This year I will become a Kindle top ten author”. So many factors are out of your control for that one (the jacket and price your publisher gives your book, their marketing strategy, the competition around at the time of your book’s release). Be very careful of setting yourself unrealistic resolutions because when and if you fail, your mojo will disappear in a puff of smoke and all you will be left with is an overwhelming sense of failure.

How about, instead, getting into the mindset of realising small achievements are just as important and all lead to the bigger goal? This year I will… go on a writing course/read more “How-to” books/start sending my work out to agents/learn more about planning social media strategies/ aim to connect more widely with bloggers.

Read, read and read. I find there is nothing more motivating that discovering a new favourite author. I’ve gone on something of a reading binge, in recent months, and have felt utterly inspired by the quality of an eclectic range of novels. They’ve filled me with the desire to up my game and given me the confidence to take my work in a different direction. It’s very easy to get in a rut with our own writing, so try to read out of your genre and challenge your natural instincts.

Take a look at this list if you aren’t sure where to start:

How to Stop Time – Matt Haig

The Art of Hiding – Amanda Prowse

The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho

Elinor Oliphant is Fine – Gail Honeyman

One of us is Lying – Karen McManus

Friend Request – Laura Marshall

All That She Can See – Carrie Hope Fletcher

The Five People you Meet in Heaven – Mitch Albom

Step out of your comfort zone. As mentioned above, it’s easy to become complacent about our own writing. I’m currently working on a project that is challenging me on many levels. It may work, it may not. But the process has fired up my mojo in ways I never imagined. I’m trying out new structures and styles and loving every second. Even if it all comes to  nothing, I am going to have learnt so much. I feel like a new writer again, unsure of myself but willing to give it my all. So go on – maybe start off with a short story in a genre that’s unfamiliar to you. Or stick to what you know but be adventurous with the themes or setting.  I once wrote a romantic comedy set in Ancient Egypt. It doesn’t fit the market and will probably never find a publisher, but writing it taught me so much about fact-finding and creating authentic settings. I still get excited just thinking about it!

Head over to this post to find out more about stepping out of your comfort zone.

Ditch the self-doubt Hey you! Yes, I’m talking to you! Stop doubting yourself this instant. Have you just received a rejection? Or had a bad review? Or has a well-meaning friend or relative asked why you still haven’t signed a six figure deal?

STEP BACK. Look at yourself objectively. Perhaps you’ve managed to complete a manuscript or send something off to an agent or publisher. Well done, amazing you! Whether you are published or not, putting finger to keyboard and finishing a project is an impressive feat, as is having the guts to put your work *out there*. Just keep on going. All you will do is improve.

Party time is over – so the pity parties stop here. As I’ve mentioned, it took me eight years (and several manuscripts under the bed) to sign my first deal. You WILL get there if you keep on persevering. For more inspiration, read my post about self-doubt here.

Take a break. Perhaps it’s not post Christmas and your problem is that you’ve been spending too much time at the keyboard. Often I’ve lost my motivation after I’ve been working flat out on a project for a while. Perhaps you’ve just finished a first draft. Or gone through your edits. Or put together a detailed synopsis for a new work. All of these activities take intense mental energy and it’s not surprising if we lose our mojo for a while. In my experience the best thing is to take a complete break from writing (and social media if possible) for a few days or a week.

So during your usual writing time instead catch up with that housework. Meet up with friends. Sleep. Indulge a hobby like baking. Get out into nature. It won’t be long before your enthusiasm has returned and is propelling you back to the keyboard with fresh ideas.

Good luck!

It means we are biased towards the negative; wired to remember harsh rejections and bad reviews instead of the great ones. Researchers talk of the 5:1 ratio. For example, if you’ve treated someone badly, you’ll need to treat them well five times before their brain will equal out the negativity bias and allow that person to remember the good side of you as well.

This post is about making you aware of the problem, so that you can use this information to cope with the up and down path we tread along the journey to publication and beyond – and give yourself the thumbs-up.

Firstly – let me pass on one more thing that I’ve learnt – and bear with me, on this… Thoughts. They aren’t actually you. They are your brain reacting to stimuli. You can accept them – or not. For example, a bad review or rejection letter comes in. “I’m a useless author” you think. Um, no. You are not thinking this – your brain has thrown this idea into your mind, as a reaction to the bad news. This leaves you with two choices. You can accept it. Wallow. Throw a pity party. Comfort yourself with that packet of biscuits. Get cross. Or… you can dismiss it. Thank you brain, for that suggestion, but I disagree. Not everyone will like my work, I know that – and I also know that one unfavourable review or letter doesn’t mean I’m no good at being a writer.

Secondly – just being aware of the negativity bias gives you power. So, when something happens, in your writerly life, that gets you down, make a determined, conscious effort to remind yourself of all the good things. That reader who loved your book. The agent who encouraged you. That get-together where you made new author friends. The warm glow you got when you managed you write a chapter you really, really loved. Think positive. It can be irritating can’t it, when people say that’s what you should do? But  now you know the science behind it.  We need to think frequently and consciously think positively just to redress the balance of that negativity bias Mother Nature gave us. Remember the 5:1 ratio? That is what you are up against.

Thirdly – remember this word, to beat the negativity bias: PERSPECTIVE. There are many events in my writerly life that I’ve quaked about. Attending an author event. Meeting my publisher or agent for the first time. Reading reviews. Take the first time I headed down to London to meet my editor. Those negative thoughts started up. “I’ll be a disappointment.” “I’ll be found out as not really being up to the job.” “I’ll make a fool of myself.” “This meeting is a bad idea.”

Er, hello Mother Nature – thank you for over-estimating the threat, and if I was in the jungle, with my spear, amongst unfriendly natives, looking to catch aggressive, wild boar then you are doing a great job of keeping me vigilant and safe. But meeting my editor? Who must think I’m talented, otherwise why would she take me on? In a lovely part of London? With food and drink involved? THANKS BUT NO THANKS, THOSE THOUGHTS ARE NOT APPROPRIATE!

Fourthly – don’t project into the future, because the negativity bias LOVES this. You know that book release you have coming up, in two weeks? Don’t indulge in imagining everything that could go wrong. That you’ll get lots of bad reviews. People will hate the cover. Sales will be poor. It will mean the end of your whole career. You have no control over the future so why waste energy worrying about it? You know, by now, that Mother Nature has wired you to expect the worst. And how many times, in the past, have you worried about something yet it’s turned out fine? Mindfulness is a proven stress-buster and is all about concentrating just on the present moment. So don’t go back in time either. What’s done is done. Life moves on. Perceived failures, in the past, have no effect on your present (or future). Just concentrate on what you are doing right now, whether that is a new project or sending out another batch of submission letters. Projecting will only make you fearful and avoid new challenges.

Take my latest release, The New Beginnings Coffee Club. One storyline could be seen as controversial. If I’d focused on the bad reviews it might produce, or poor sales, I could have ducked out of meeting the challenge. As it is – touch wood – readers have loved that aspect of the story.

So don’t contemplate the negative “what ifs”. The chances are – whatever Mother Nature wants you to believe – they won’t happen.

Lastly – if you are going through a rough patch, being hard on yourself about your career or anything else, try writing a gratitude journal. I’ve been doing this for six months. Each night I write at least three things that I am grateful for. At first, when I was going through a rough patch, it seemed challenging but over time the process trains you to look for the positives and now I can easily list all kinds of things I am grateful for – a pleasant family evening, great weather, a good review. A productive day in the office, someone doing me a favour, an enjoyable phone call. It might sound silly, but buy yourself a lovely, new notebook and give it a go. We have Mother Nature to contend with here and she may not approve but my brain, for one, is now trained to look for the positives. These days my journal takes no time to fill in at all.

We all have miserable moments where we are hard on ourselves. Fed up with our lot. Feel like giving up. Just try to remember – mental health problems aside – this is partly a loss of perspective, due to our biological wiring. We just need to rewire and with a little practise that is possible.

Training – I read somewhere that it takes 10,000 hours to really acquire and excel at a skill, whether that be writing novel, playing the piano or swimming 100 metres as fast as you can. And I believe that is true. I still have a lot to learn but I added up my hours dedicated to writing once – over the last decade – and it was heading for that big number. So when I watch those athletes, I don’t just see sportsmen and women, I see ordinary people who’ve been training for years; who started out a ground zero, like I did with my writing; who probably – just like me – have wept and despaired many a time over failures such as rejection or not hitting goals. Who have had to learnt to face and deal with setbacks. And who, equally, have enjoyed moments of unadulterated joy.

Passion – you can see it in the Olympians’ eyes. And let’s face it, becoming a top athlete is not a job, it’s a lifestyle and I can relate to that. Writing takes over much of my mind, from the moment I wake to last thing at night when I am plotting books or fleshing out characters. I’ve put in the hours. I’ve put myself out there in competitions and by submitting my work. I’ve failed but tried again harder. Finally I’ve found a degree of success and now I work hard to consolidate that and meet the next challenge. I wouldn’t still be here, at my desk, without a burning passion for words. And that passion has got me through the hard times, just like it does for a an Olympian who may fall of his bicycle on the last lap or just miss out on winning Gold.

Luck – in my opinion there is a significant element of this involved in succeeding with a career. Your writing can be exquisite but may never reach a wide audience if you don’t find that one editor to believe in it, or if your story is given a misjudged price or poor cover. And I feel it’s exactly the same with excelling in a sport. You could be in your prime just before a major event and then sustain an injury. Or, one year, could just be up against some exceptionally strong competitors. I believe that talent and dedication alone aren’t enough – they also that little, mysterious ingredient called magic.

Of course, there are dissimilarities. An Olympian needs to have full control of their emotions, especially when actually competing. Whereas writers are sensitive, emotional creatures who probably improve their work by fully indulging their feelings. Unless we’re talking steady rejections or bad reviews. If possible, at those moments, you need to call on your logic and keep a grounded perspective.

And as for the diet, ahem, well, I don’t think a sports person would get very far if they consumed my daily, writerly intake! We’re talking crisps at the keyboard, cake and biscuits, and of course the odd glass of wine. Also, I have to *research* food for my writing, naturally, like scones and fish n’chips for my new summer release, Breakfast under a Cornish Sun! In all seriousness, though, the really important consumption for an author is to read widely and observe people – to soak up the inspiration, not soak with perspiration.

So if you switch on the Rio Games, let those athletes motivate your writing. They are proof that with a determined attitude, solid work ethic and a little bit of luck, ANYTHING is achievable.

Recently I attended a talk at the National Geographic Society in London about trans-Antarctic expeditions – some expedition leaders spoke at an awards ceremony I was attending. And Wow. It was there I heard the story of the ship Endurance… And what lessons it has to teach us – those of us struggling with rejection letters (see my old ones below) or the pressure of a looming deadline, listen up….

For those  of you unfamiliar with the story, in 1914 Captain Ernest Shackleton sailed his ship, Endurance, to the Antarctic. Once there, the ship got stuck in ice and he and his men were stranded. Shackleton decided to take five of the starving men with him in a lifeboat,  without choice leaving many crew behind, and navigated 750 miles of treacherous ocean in this small vessel, living off fish and seabirds, to find land and help. Finally – and incredibly –  he achieved this and months later, as part of a rescue mission, he got back to his  men who had survived by eating their sleigh dogs.

I now have a photo of this stranded ship on the wall of my kitchen. It inspires me in my darkest moments, be them personal or professional. Imagine the determination and strength of character necessary to defeat those dangerous oceans. Imagine the focus, the sense of loyalty, the determination, the iron will – he must have refused to allow pessimistic voices in. Clearly, he was convinced that despite all the odds, he could achieve his goal and save his men.

This story helps me put my concerns and objectives into perspective. However bad my writer’s block might seem – or, as an unpublished author, however much I might have despaired of signing a deal – one must never lose faith, because faith in your own ability can help you accomplish amazing things. Endure the worst and who knows what you will achieve…