I realise that my writing is a hugely important constant in my life. It’s got me up in the morning. It’s kept me busy. My latest work in progress, and watching it unfold, has given each day a sense of normality and continuity. It has been a distraction from the chaos and tragedy happening around me locally and in the world. I’m incredibly grateful for this. Writing is my friend. It’s given me a purpose and passion at this very challenging time.

More than ever I respect the romantic comedy genre. During lockdown my thirteenth book, The Summer Island Swap has been published and reviewers have kindly said what a welcome escape the story is from our current difficult situation. I’ve had comments like these before about my books, as other romcom authors will have, from readers who’ve been having a hard time and found that such stories give them a momentary break. There is a certain snobbery out there towards romance books but lockdown has shown clearly how much people need fictional escapism and happy-ever-afters when the real world is a scary place.

Writer’s block – I’ve always written through it before and have done so again these last months. When the pandemic was unfolding in the UK, in late March, and throughout April and May, I had to write my Christmas 2020 novel. I soldiered on, putting finger to keyboard, telling myself that was the main thing, the rewrite could sort out any mess. But this time I discovered writer’s block on a whole new level. Yes, I eventually achieved the wordage I wanted but I felt blocked when it came to working out the structure of the overall plot arcs and the pace. With daily mortality rates and Covid 19 guidelines appearing minute by minute on social media, with daily worries on a personal level, I just couldn’t focus. So I guess lockdown has shown me that writer’s block isn’t as simple as I once thought. It’s not just about not being able to increase that word count. It’s also about not being able to get your head around the big things like developing character and expanding the themes.

And leading on from this I appreciate my agent more than ever. I’ve always thought she was amazingly supportive, especially with the editorial support she offers, but recently I’ve felt I need it on a different level. Her fresh pair of eyes has been able to offer perspective on the bigger aspects of the story and she’s given me confidence in what I’ve written. Between us I feel we’ve really been able to shape that sticky first draft  into a book I’m so excited about and can’t wait to share in October!

I’ve also appreciated her support around the fact that due to lockdown, I struggled to meet my deadline and needed her to ask for it to be pushed back a bit. All the editors I’ve ever worked with have been brilliantly flexible about this but still, it’s been great, during lockdown, to have one less thing to worry about.

Authors sometimes ask me about my view on agents. I find mine indispensable.

Finally, I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a hermit writing from home, reading, watching Netflix in the evenings… however during lockdown I’ve been surprised at just how much I miss meeting up with my writing friends in real life. A group of us have coffee together in Manchester once a month and haven’t been able to do that for ages. Plus the Romantic Novelists’ Association is celebrating its Diamond Anniversary this year and has had to cancel various events, including a special summer party in June. I last saw my romance friends at an awards ceremony at the beginning of March and had such a lovely time. Social media is great but there’s nothing quite like a face to face chat where you can discuss things you might not want to share online, and have a good-humoured chat about the latest ups and downs of your career.

To sum up, due to lockdown, I’m more grateful than ever for my writing and the people connected to the industry who support it – my agent, my fellow authors, the readers who give feedback.

It’s been a horrendous time so any positives are welcome. And I end this post sending my thanks to keyworkers and love to everyone who’s been struggling.

One – my debut being published didn’t change my life to fit my fantasies. My book wasn’t turned into a movie. Brad Pitt didn’t star. I wasn’t invited onto Graham Norton’s sofa. I didn’t turn into a glamour puss or overnight become the owner of a Porsche.

The fulfilment came in different ways – a lovely review. Interest from family and friends. Support from the wonderful writing community. I soon realised it’s these immaterial things that mean so much.

Two – The release of each book (I’ve had ten published now) is just as terrifying and exhilarating as the last. Five years on and I realise that however well a novel does, you are only as good as your next book so that means you are always nervous about the publication of something new.

Three – it’s really hard work promoting a book. I never realised quite how much an author had to do, especially if they don’t have a PR person on hand to help. My first publisher gave me an information pack that gave guidelines and before I knew it I was tweeting, had a Facebook author  page, was on Pinterest and Goodreads, I ran a blog…

I’m lucky. I enjoy social media greatly but even I find it challenging at times and whilst it wasn’t to blame, it didn’t help the mental health problems I faced in 2016 (I talk about those here).

Four – I discovered that special breed The Blogger! Bloggers are amazing. Generous. Efficient. Supportive. They offer up their time, for free, to help promote and review books. And they are the loveliest people.

Five – I thought that after releasing many books some of the inner excitement might have worn off but I still get the same, huge kick from seeing my sales rank rise on Amazon or reading a great review. I was beside myself with excitement when I saw the cover for my new women’s fiction story Forgive Me Not. Those things never cease to thrill me.

Six –  I never predicted how being published would feed into the eating disorder issues I’d had for years. I guess, looking back, it’s obvious. It’s hard not to see yourself as a brand and with that comes expectations. I’m still striving to separate Sam the person from Samantha Tonge author. I try to see the ups and downs of my career as a professional journey that doesn’t reflect the worth or success of me. I blog about my tips for good authorly mental health here.

Seven – publishers are businesses. I don’t think that sank in before I got published. This means many things such as… they will have favourite authors and the chances are it may not be you! But that’s favourite in terms of who they think will sell. If an editor acquires you, have no doubt, it means they think your writing is the bees knees. They may just have other authors whose work is more commercial and hooky and will bring in more income.

Eight – It’s consolidated who I think I am in a way I didn’t expect. I know my destiny now – what it always was and where it’s going. I know. That sounds a little precious. But it’s true. I felt a degree of that before publication, but signing that deal and –  more specifically – finally getting readers and their feedback has made me one hundred percent sure.

Nine – I still feel like giving up sometimes. I thought that would stop once I was published, but it doesn’t. Getting a book deal is fabulous but it does present you with a different set of problems. I’ve had ups and downs, successes and disappointments. I remember seeing an Olympian interviewed who’d won Gold the previous season and she was asked how fantastic that must have felt. Her response was fairly muted – yes, it was great, but winning brings expectations. And that’s how I feel but I try to remember that mostly those expectations are from me, my perfectionist side, and I need to keep them boxed up.

Ten – Whilst I do occasionally feel like giving up, I never forget how amazingly lucky I am to be doing a job I love and to leave a legacy behind, even if it is just a few thousand words! I still remember the pain of agent rejections and having to ditch yet another project and not forgetting this gives me perspective when a problem with my career rears its head.

There are worse problems to have

Here are some of the HURDLES I’ve faced and how I’ve got over them.

Rejections – I started writing in 2005 and sure enough, the rejections soon started coming in after I submitted my first novel. And I’m in good company. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected 20 times, Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind almost 40. I have a pile of over 80 rejections upstairs in a folder for various  manuscripts. For some reason I can’t throw them away. I think it’s because they represent my journey and if I’m going through tough times now they are a pertinent reminder that failure only exists if you give in. But how did I overcome that sense of disappointment and the tears? I sought the support of my online and real-life writing friends. Becoming part of an author community gave me perspective and made  me realise I was not alone – that publishers or agents turning down my manuscripts wasn’t personal. And hearing success stories of writers who’d been in my position but still eventually got that publishing deal was great motivation. So don’t write in a vacuum – network and find some support.

Writer’s Block – this doesn’t happen to me often and that’s because I view my work as very diverse. Stuck on a chapter? Go and write a blog post instead. Or a short story. Or go to a cafeteria and plan the chapter roughly by hand – that always works for me. I consider all of this to still be writing and it takes away the sense of failure if I’m staring at a blank page. Or go and read a book for inspiration. It all counts. Failing that, simply take a break for a couple of hours, a day, a week…

And remember the words of Margaret Atwood: “If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.” Just write something. Get on with it. Leave the refining to the rewrite.

Bad Reviews – this isn’t something I thought about before signing my first deal. All I’d dreamt of was beautiful covers, shelfies and launch parties. Yet the first rating I ever received for my debut book, on GoodReads, wasn’t glowing and made me sharply aware that I was going to need to toughen up. Sadly my  horrified expression was captured in my passport photo taken the next day although I’m glad to say that the book became a Kindle bestseller. I can laugh now, but at the time it was upsetting. However, over the years I have learnt to ignore the insulting reviews. I accept that all books get their fair share of poor ones and this is confirmed whenever I look up my favourite authors on Amazon. Some writers never read their reviews – and that is one way of dealing with it. I read every single one, with an open mind, as long as it is constructive (and polite!). It’s interesting to read the criticism, some of which I take on board if I think it makes a fair point.

My work is ME – this attitude is very debilitating and one that needs to be quashed. It’s hard for creative folk to separate themselves from their work, especially if they do it full-time. I went through a very challenging period a couple of years ago when I felt that if a book didn’t do as well as the previous one I, as a person, had failed. This, of course, is rubbish. Writing is my job – not me. I’m also a wife. A mother. A daughter. A friend. A reader. A cook. A homemaker. A fan of Buddhism. A linguist. A Walking Dead fan. And many other things.

You need to separate YOU from your authorly alter ego. Never believe that you are the sum of your sales. There are many dimensions to you. Writing is only one of them.

Self-doubt – I blogged about Imposter Syndrome here – that feeling that we’re not really authors and that someone will one day find us out. Published or unpublished we are plagued by self-doubt, especially before that first deal, but if you are putting finger to keyboard and honing your craft, you don’t simply need a contract to validate that YOU ARE A WRITER. So give the post a read and find out how I overcome those negative voices.

Rewrite Blues – these hit me recently after feedback. I almost gave up on the project but now I’m so glad I perservered. I blogged about how to cope with this here. Just remember that if someone is willing to put in the time to give you detailed, challenging feedback, it means they believe in you and your work. Step back. Deep breaths. Don’t take it personally and then get on with making your manuscript really sing.

KEEP ON GOING, whatever your own hurdles may be. It took me eight years to land my first publishing deal and it’s been worth every minute of what I call The Wilderness Years, when I was writing and submitting – although I won’t add “with little success” because the success was that during that time I was learning my craft.

And last up – manage your expectations. I couldn’t believe my first ever submission was rejected – oh, the ignorance of an ingenue! Forget red carpet film adaptation deals and literary prizes. As JK Rowling once said on Twitter (about her and her alter ego Robert Galbraith):
“Believe me, neither @RGalbraith nor I walk around thinking we’re fab. We just shoot for ‘writing better than yesterday’”.

I’ve never known a writer – who didn’t give up – not to get their work out there.  Believe in yourself. Improve your art. And don’t get your passport photo taken after your first ever bad review because you’ll be stuck with it for ten years

It pays to bear in mind that most dreams are unrealistic – the getting published bit isn’t, but it’s what we subconsciously attach to that aspiration. Your view of “getting published” might be that… you earn loads of money. Buy a big house and fancy car. Gain respect from everyone you meet. Suddenly become irresistible to the object of your affection. Never feel depressed again. End up on the Booker List. Stand on the red carpet next to George Clooney. Fit into that size ten dress. Prove to everyone who ever doubted you that their view of you was incorrect.

IT IS UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT ANY OF THESE THINGS TO HAPPEN AS A DIRECT RESULT OF FINALLY GETTING YOUR BOOK OUT THERE!

So how can us writers hold onto our happiness during such a roller coaster career?

Over the last year I’ve learn a lot from Buddhism. One of its tenets is that unhappiness comes from being attached to either good or bad things. What helps is realising that nothing is permanent. If we can do that, our life will achieve a sense of balance.

Take my 2015 bestseller Game of Scones. It reached #5 in the Kindle chart and stayed in the Top Ten for a good length of time. It won an award. Many readers loved the story. I was finally on my way to “making it” I whooped! I attached myself to that success and expected it to continue.

That was my  mistake. The next book didn’t do badly, but didn’t do as well. I felt I’d failed. I attached myself to those feelings of disappointment and wondered if I’d ever have a bestseller again.

As it turned out I did and last year Breakfast Under a Cornish Sun got to #8. However, these days I have a different perspective. I don’t become attached to the peaks or the troughs. And I have zero expectations when a book is released. I write it the best I can, with love and heart, and I promote it at the outset… but then I let it go and get on with my next project. What will be will be. There are SO MANY reasons why a book does or doesn’t do well: the publisher’s strategy, the cover, title, price, the timing of its release, the other books around at that moment… I find that if I distance myself from my successes and see them for what they are – transitory events – it gives me a much more balanced view of my career.

Remember, the path to misery is littered with expectations and senses of entitlement!

And all of this can be applied to life. Physical looks, our own and loved ones’ personalities, domestic circumstances, financial earnings, our state of health … be aware that everything is impermanent and in a constant state of flux. This makes it easier to accept your situation when the status quo changes – which it will.

By all means enjoy your highs. You have worked hard. You deserve them. And lick your wounds during the lows. But remember – neither is permanent. Work hard and keep submitting manuscripts and you will get a deal. Keep writing and learning more about your craft and those good reviews and sales rankings will once again appear. Finding working with your current publisher/editor/agent difficult? One way or another that situation won’t last forever.

In my experience, keeping detached and enjoying the good moments simply for what they are (without further expectations), and realising the bad moments will eventually pass… THAT – in writing and in life – is the secret to happiness.

So, how did I celebrate my latest book baby’s release? Well, as a homeworker it can be a quiet day, just with the cat for company, and I really appreciated all the support, interest and fun I received from my friends on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. They – you – are my party people, between nine and five!

When the kids got home we enjoyed cream cakes – well, it wouldn’t be launch day without those, and I felt fully justified in eating them, having gone for a cycle ride first thing!

Then in the evening, I got all dressed up…

and with my lovely family went out for a fantastic meal, where all sorts were consumed, including a millionaire’s sundae (despite the menu telling me it contained over 1000 calories!) – photos, for foodies, below!

Then we came home and I caught up on social media, grateful and happy for having a job I love. And, of course, there was only one way to finish the day….

Firstly… accept the fact that it is UNREALISTIC to expect everyone to love your work. In life, not everyone will like us, and the same goes for our book babies. People have a perfect right to express their opinion and will freely do so, especially if they have forked out hard-earned pennies to buy  your novel. Try not to take their view personally.

Secondly… Learn to differentiate between the constructive reviews and insulting ones. I always read my bad reviews (not all authors do!) and you become used to spotting a personal or offensive tone. Fortunately, they are rarer. Most reviewers take the time to explain their point of view fairly, and I do take on board the comments that are constructive from those reviews. Really, it’s a gift, being given an insight into how someone else sees your work. “I really wanted to enjoy this book, but…” or “It just didn’t work for me because…” On occasion, some observations have made me reconsider my writing techniques, and question them next time I put finger to keyboard. I truly appreciate the time anyone takes to write a review and understand that if someone has felt disappointed, they need to express why. On the journey to publication I had to take a lot of criticism on board and I don’t see why this should stop, simply because I am now published.

Thirdly, in the words of Kate Moss… Never complain, never explain. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH WRITERS OF BAD REVIEWS. They are entitled to their view. Don’t moan about it. At the same time, do not feel the need to explain or justify yourself. Just let it be and move on.

Fourthly… be mountain-like. Lately I have developed an interest in meditation and one visualisation I do involves looking at a mountain and then becoming the mountain… let me explain: a mountain never changes. It stands solid. Whether it is spring, summer, autumn or winter. Whether it is day or night. Whether it is sunny, rainy, windy or snowing. Whether a visitor to the mountain calls it beautiful – or calls it plain… the mountain is not affected by any of these external changes. It remains strong within itself.
In other words, as long as you are being true to yourself with your writing- and, in my opinion, have an open-mind regarding your agent’s/editor’s advice and revisions – then nothing else matters. Stand firm amidst all the weather and be proud of your work.

Finally… try to keep a sense of humour and perspective. Be grateful! You’ve made it! Your work is actually out there and people are reading it. Okay, some may not like every page, but at least your novels are finally getting an audience which, presumably, is something you have worked very hard for.

And if you want a laugh, here are a few of the best – and worst! – quotes from reviews for one of the books I have written, that overall got a great rating but still picked up some unfavourable opinions:

I devoured this book in a day!

A little slice of paradise.

To say that I LOVED this book would be a huge understatement

Samantha is a funny, talented writer that makes the words jump off the page

Don’t waste your time, life is too short

Chewing gum for the mind

Tough going.

Will be avoiding this author in the future

Harsh comments do hurt – of course they do –  but don’t dwell on them. Eventually, you will be able to read them with a wry smile.  I am just bracing myself for the reaction to my eighth novel, released on 5th May, The New Beginnings Coffee Club. It has one of my most favourite characters ever in it  and I very much hope my loyal readers enjoy the story – along with any new readers who might be fans of coffee But who knows. Let’s hope I don’t need too many strong americanos when reviews come in!

Firstly, I always allocate whatever spare time I have to promoting my book on social media. Sounds obvious? Yes, but some authors are very shy of doing this. However it is important, in my opinion, to connect with bloggers and readers, and COMMUNICATE. By this I don’t mean just try to sell, sell, sell. Instead, tweet or post on Facebook in a way that might excite  potential buyers. Share new reviews and snippets of the plot. Talk about the characters. Post about themes related to your story – I have tweeted a lot about Cornwall, Poldark and delicious Cornish food. Try to keep your various online feeds varied. And MOST IMPORTANTLY  interact with the people who show an interest. Like their comments. Retweet. Show gratitude. It is only good manners, actually great fun and very few authors these days have their own PR person – you are your own trumpeteer and your book deserves to be seen and heard. Just be polite and don’t shout too loudly

Secondly, don’t raise your expectations too high and get obsessed with rankings. Most of my books have usually taken around four weeks to peak in the Kindle chart, and during that time the ranking can fluctuate up and down. If it slips a bit on the second day of release, don’t flounce out of your office declaring the whole show is going to be a disaster (you can tell I’ve done that, right? ) And, hand in hand with this… appreciate the supposedly smaller things. For example, one of my reader friends (you know who you are) told me that she’d waited up until midnight the evening before launch day, so that she could download Breakfast under a Cornish Sun as soon as it was available, and start reading it. That meant an awful lot.

Thirdly, pat yourself on the back and celebrate! You’ve done it! Regardless of sales and rankings, you’ve brought a bookbaby into the world and been through the gruelling writing, rewriting and copy-editing process. It’s a mammoth task, producing a novel. It requires real stamina, guts and passion. My new summer book features a quirky cocktail bar called Donuts & Daiquiris, so there was really only one way I could celebrate – cue this delicious Spiced Mojito!

Fourthy… Don’t let launch week overwhelm you. Whilst I enjoyed  my cocktail evening out last week, I had intermittent stomach pain from sitting down working for too long. And the day before backache. Plus lately I’ve developed what I call Twitter Seasickness – a real sense of nausea from being on there too long, replying to tweets and scrolling up and down my notifications to find competition winners and… you get the picture. In other words, realise you have a life away from your writing and desk. Whilst launch week is super-important, in the bigger picture it isn’t the be all and end all. It takes a few weeks, sometimes a few months  for a book to be found by all its readers and some of you may even delay your blog tour, for example, until the hullabaloo of the actual launch has settled down. So remember to take stock and breathe

Finally… Get stuck into another project. The more novels you get out there, the more readers you’ll pick up. Plus, thanks to a widening back catalogue,  the bigger those royalty cheques will look. Still allocate a good part of your available time to spreading word about your launch baby… but one of my diehard mottos is:  you are only as good as your next book...

The good side of this? It drives me to succeed as it is my reputation and self-pride at stake. I think this applies to anyone who is self-employed. I work long hours. I strive to be my best. I do lots of promotional work and forever look to improve my writing. I write speedily to increase my output and become as prolific as possible.

But the bad side?  Recently I realised that striving to my best – for me – means striving to be THE best and that is an unattainable and dangerous goal. If a book doesn’t sell as well as the previous one, a little voice hints that I’VE failed. If I get a bad review, it feels like a huge blow to the person, SAMANTHA TONGE. If I lose followers on Twitter, I wonder what I  am doing wrong. Writing is so closely linked to an author’s ego. If I were merely tweeting on behalf of an employer such as a school or doctor’s practise, the ups and downs of that platform’s success would have little effect on me as a person.

In my opinion,  the important thing, as a writer – or artist, actor… any of those professions where you give away a little piece of yourself during the process – is to distance yourself as much as you can from the business side. You won an award (like I did for Game of Scones)? Great. Recognize it as an appreciation of your work, not your soul. It might happen again. It may never. That doesn’t mean you, as a person, have succeeded or failed any more or any less. Just received a bad review? The reader isn’t saying YOU deserve to be the target of rotten tomatoes. They simply didn’t enjoy one of your pieces of work in the way that some people love sushi (yuk) and others don’t. Not gaining as high rankings as another author? No matter. That’s the nature of the business. There are lots of contributing factors and whilst you are the face on the tin, you aren’t responsible for everything like the packaging or final recipe – or amount of luck.

Plus social media  – whilst highly enjoyable – can easily feed into a writer’s fragile ego. Are my photos appealing enough? Are my tweets and statuses funny? Why have my ‘likes’ gone down lately?

I strive to stand back and see being an author as just a job. And this isn’t as hard as it sounds, luckily for me, as I have a lovely family to enjoy time with. If I had come to writing as a younger person, without other responsibilities, the knocks might have hit harder. So my advice? To start with cut down on social media outside the 9 til 5 or during the day if your writing life starts in the evening. See your social platforms for what they are – tools to drive your career and not an indictment of the kind of man or woman you are. A little hint that you are connecting too closely with your job is what you talk about when you speak to a distant relative on the phone. How much of your news is about your work? Have you anything else to say about other aspects of your life like hobbies and trips out? Try to find an even balance.

So next time you get a bad review or your book doesn’t soar, still pat yourself vigorously on the back. Or as you launch a new book, like I will be doing soon with my summer novel Breakfast under a Cornish Sun. You are doing the hardest thing ever – putting actual parts of your soul out into the big wide world, to be scrutinised by Joe Public. That earns you the permanent judgement of being one hell of a gutsy person, who looks failure in the face – instead of creeping around it, too scared to ever dare step out of its shadow.