His song, I’m Still Standing, makes complete sense to me now – on a personal level, but also with regards to my career.

Aspiring and published authors, from time to time, consider giving up.  I certainly have. It’s a roller coaster of a career (an overused phrase but true), what with the highs and lows that come with Amazon rankings, reviews, rejections, lost and gained contracts, and awards. And due to the rise of ebooks, more publishing avenues and great quality self-publishing, it is more competitive than ever.

Like many addicts, Elton’s behaviours were driven by a sense of not feeling loved – of not being good enough. And certainly the latter plagues me when it comes to my career. Therapy, as part of my treatment, made me realise I wasn’t just aiming to be the best author Sam Tonge could be – I was struggling to be THE BEST AUTHOR EVER. A goal I was never going to score.

It’s got me thinking – after everything that’s happened in my life over recent years, why am I still standing here, as an author? Because whilst it didn’t cause my personal problems, the pressures and expectations (admittedly some of them self-imposed) certainly didn’t help.

Apart from that innate drive in me to write and to want to write, I’ve managed to pinpoint three things that have helped me navigate the hard times.

Surrounding myself with the right people

This is CRUCIAL – speaking as an addict and an artist. It’s really important to surround yourself with people who believe in you…especially when you don’t. And if there is someone in your life who doesn’t fit this remit, you need to ask yourself why you are letting them in. Distance yourself from negativity. And people who make you feel as if you’re a failure – in any way. You don’t have anything to prove to ANYONE, except your conscience and yourself.

I currently belong to a great writing group online. Sure, we moan – that’s important, we all need to air disappointments and gain reassurance from realising we aren’t the only one going through difficult times. But the group is also full of positivity and camaraderie.

The Romantic Novelists Association offers a friendly, helping hand to aspiring and published authors alike.

Over the years I’ve also accumulated wonderful writer, reader and blogger friends whose interest and encouragement keep  me going, probably without them even realising it.

An agent that suits you is also so important. Mine, Clare Wallace from the Darley Anderson Agency, has offered incredible support since I signed with her. She’s helped me keep perspective. Lets me know when I’m being overly negative (that’s important). She’s helped me keep an eye on the long-term so that any current difficulties don’t end up being catastrophised. And Clare is approachable. For me that’s the single most important quality an agent can have. If I’m worried about anything, however small, or on a downer about something that might appear to be minor or irrational to anyone else, it’s important for me to feel I can express that.

I’ve been fortunate with my agents and publishers – but if you have a publisher, agent, writing friend, anyone who is making you feel that you aren’t good enough, you need to have a long think about why they are in your life and whether that needs to change.

Maybe you don’t need to give up being an author. Maybe you just need to give up certain aspects of your writing career, and gain new ones.

Flexibility 

The photo below shows the first novel I wrote after getting sober.

I didn’t have it in me, at the time, to write another romcom. I’d had nine published but just couldn’t create more comedy after the gruelling process of getting treatment. Now and then I considered giving up my career altogether. However instead I mooted to my agent the idea of writing dark women’s fiction. She was super supportive and so I wrote Forgive Me Not – the story of a recovering alcoholic who goes home to make amends.

And now, a couple of years on, and most unexpectedly, I’ve found myself writing romcom again  and I’ve just signed a new contract, with a new publisher, Aria Fiction, and have a Christmas one coming out in October!

So sometimes, it might not be that you need to give up – simply changing direction might make you feel differently.

For example years ago, before my first agent and deal – I’d felt like giving up as my novels were being subbed and getting nowhere. But instead of giving up I started writing short stories for women’s magazines. I sold nearly 100 in the end and this massively boosted my confidence and helped me, I’m sure, finally get that novel publishing deal.

Authenticity

Being true to yourself – sounds naff, doesn’t it? But it’s a major part of recovery and, in my opinion, a crucial tool for coping with difficult times during a writing career. When my problems were at their worst, in 2016, they were also secret. I put on a front. I doubt many people looked at me, the author, and thought I had alcohol issues and eating problems. In fact, I know that’s the case due to the surprise people have expressed since I’ve been open.

I was bright and breezy. And it became a huge strain. I felt as if I had this persona to live up to. As if I were leading a double life. And that’s when life started to feel impossible.  I am a bright and breezy person but it’s not the whole me and it’s felt like a massive relief, since getting treatment, to share more sides of my personality and not just one.

So, for me, it’s been very important to put my heart and myself into my brand. I blog about mental health now. I tweet about sobriety and eating issues. And still all the other things like the baking I love and movies – but the picture is fuller now. And if I’m having a bad day, Twitter might know about it! And that’s fine. It’s real. Not having to put on a front helps when times get tough.

So if you are thinking about your brand my advice would be (and it sounds obvious) make it ABOUT YOU. Don’t tweet motivational quotes, for example, (I love them!) or pictures of cake if they aren’t really your thing and you just think doing so will get you followers – tweet about your own passions instead. And having a tough day? There are plenty of suitable gifs around to express that and no doubt many people will relate!

This way you won’t feel you have anything “to live up to”.

Just keep it real.

Having said all of this…

Don’t automatically dismiss your desire to give up

Yes, I am still standing, when it comes to being an author. But, perhaps, one day, that won’t be the right thing to do. Giving up your career or aspirations doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Failing would have been not to try in the first place. Yes, I’d love a movie deal for one of my books. I don’t imagine that will ever happen! But at least I’ve tried.

I still have the odd day when I want to give up. Sometimes the social media work seems overwhelming. It’s hard not to compare yourself to other authors and wonder why Hollywood hasn’t come knocking. A bad review can make you question your talent. My eating disorder issues still rear they head, especially when I take an author photo. Being “out there” as an author can be challenging from that point of view.

Yet there are so many aspects of my career I absolutely love. The writing itself. The fact I feel as if it’s what I was born to do and I’m fulfilling my destiny. And I enjoy meeting so many amazing readers and bloggers on social media. People telling my my stories have, in some small way, had an impact on their lives. I love the generosity and humour of fellow writers. I feel enormous pride about the books I’ve had published. I have a sense of achievement.

But life is not just about one career – there are other ones out there to bring in money and a sense of personal satisfaction.  Life is also about people. Travel. Hobbies.

Giving up doesn’t mean something has been lost. It just means you’ve gained experience, learnt about yourself and now, perhaps, it’s time to try something new.

You are still you. At the core. The person close ones love. That’s what matters.

Regardless of whether your manuscripts stay under the bed, or you are the next JK Rowling, you are still good enough.

However, some still lurk in the shadows, flexing their fork in my direction and things came to a head, recently, when I was shortlisted for the prestigious Romantic Novelist Awards  – a huge honour. Indeed, when I first heard I’d been nominated in the romcom category for my 2018 romance One Summer In Rome  I was absolutely ecstatic… but the evening itself presented a huge challenge to someone like myself with a history of  body dysmorphic issues.

The thought of being in any way the centre of attention and – abject horror – having professional photos taken, filled me with dread. As did the challenge of finding a suitable outfit – something I imagine many of the nominees can relate to.

But with the support of my husband, and the company of my wonderful and understanding agent, Clare Wallace from Darley Anderson, not only did I get there – I thoroughly enjoyed the event. After I’d said hello to a few people my anxiety started to slip away and much chat and laughter took place. And I now feel more brave about attending any such event in the future.

At the beginning of my writing journey none of this was a problem and I enjoyed many author get-togethers, seeing them as nothing but fun and important for my career. But then my mental health took a downturn, brought back some issues from thirty years ago and I am still fighting them – and am determined to get back to where I was before, seeing every invitation to a launch or blogger get-together or publishing party for what it should be… an exciting and enjoyable aspect of the business I am in.

When the official  photo came in I got control of the self-critical thoughts and forced myself to post the image online.  And this is what CBT therapy is all about – facing your fears. The more you do the thing you are afraid of, the more you can accept that your concerns are unfounded.

Yes it’s hard. Scary. Especially when others may not understand your concern over something that appears trivial or irrational to them, particularly if you’ve become good at putting on a cheerful veneer. But the feeling of achievement you’ll get, if you push yourself, is second to none.

It’s not easy being a woman – or man, for that matter – in today’s society. Some of us may feel we have to have great jobs. Be brill parents or children. Perfect partners. That we’re supposed to look like celebrities and gain hundreds of likes on social media. And this is an area I explore in my  new novel Knowing You, that was published yesterday. Violet works in publishing and due to an upset in her private life starts to question just how successful an editor – and woman – she is. And this leads to a shocking twist at the end. I’m thrilled with the fantastic reviews coming in and humbled to see that her story is resonating with readers…

So if you’re struggling at the moment, mental health wise, and CBT therapy is an option, I would definitely recommend it.

You can do this.

Or if you are simply nervous about taking the plunge in certain areas of your life, go for it. Afraid you will get rejected if you send out that submission? There’s only one way to find out. Anxious about joining that book club you’ve been invited to? Go ahead. Without a doubt every member will have felt like that on their first night.

Whatever your fear is, there is only one true way to tackle it.

And that’s to stare it straight in the face.

Within the publishing industry romance authors are sometimes faced with a negative attitude regarding their lighter, Happy Ever After work. It’s a view I don’t understand. Romance is one of the most prolific and sustained genres that industry has known. And Mother Nature has, after all, wired us to seek a partner and pleasure.

Personally I believe feel-good stories are incredibly important. They offer a break and a sense of escapism, for readers. What’s more, the characters, the themes are often relatable and providing a positive ending, a positive handling of these subjects can offer a degree of solace to readers suffering the same problems.

Nothing makes my day more than reader feedback saying that my work has, for a few hours, made their life more cheerful or inspired them to change their own life.

So here are a few of the many ways you can add in the feel-good factor to your light contemporary romance novel.

Your main character is crucial and at all costs avoid avoid her/him being too complaining. This is something I struggled with for a long time, with the early manuscripts I wrote before I got my first publishing deal. It’s important, over the course of a story, to see a the main character undergo some sort of change (otherwise what is the point of the journey?) and often this means them being faced with a set of challenges they must overcome.

Goodness, during my first attempts at novel-writing this meant they used to whinge. It’s okay for a character to moan – but for the feel-good factor make sure you demonstrate their positive traits as well. The reader needs to see them trying to help themselves improve their situation by taking action, by trying to see the bright side, but not giving up, by showing courage and determination – or if they can’t do this to start with, make them likeable in some other way. Perhaps they are especially kind.  It’s very important in the opening chapters. In real life we’d readily provide a listening ear to family and friends who are going through tough times. We don’t expect them to see the cheery side. But the reader isn’t emotionally invested with your character during those first pages, so bear this in mind and make sure he/she has redeeming features. I mean, which sort of upset stranger would you prefer to spend your time with? A person crying and ruing all the mistakes they have made – or someone blowing their nose, putting their tissue away and drawing up plans to start over?

If your character really is in a position where they can’t help themselves, the feel-good factor can be added in by giving them a dose of self-deprecating or dark humour. It has never ceased to amaze me, during the course of my life, that at the most challenging times humans can see the humour in darkness and that contributes to helping them get through. I recently underwent counselling and the group therapy sessions were often filled with laughter even though each person in there was struggling to take control of their life and get better.

A sense of community – this is a sure-fire way of creating a sense of wellbeing within your book. In my 2015 bestseller Game of Scones, for example, villagers pulled together to save their economically failing businesses. The feel-good factor is created by people helping each other in the face of adversity – by formal rivals swallowing their differences for the greater good. By self-less neighbourly acts being committed. Having a community pull together will have the reader rooting for a wider cast and the setting. The ending will warm readers hearts even more if it doesn’t purely focus on bringing together the heroine and hero. And that community doesn’t necessarily need to be geographical – it could, to take the group therapy as an example, be a set of people pulling together – school parents, colleagues, whatever.

This ties in with another factor – have your protagonists overcome adversity. This will get the reader cheering for them from the sidelines and when your characters reach their goal the reader will feel an immense and rewarding sense of satisfaction. Perhaps they need to overcome an emotional problem like anxiety. Maybe they have set up a business and it becomes a success. Perhaps they finally stand up to a difficult boss. Take my debut, Doubting Abbey. Abbey has to pass herself off as an aristocrat. Even though she is really a down-to-earth pizza waitress, she must outwit and charm the posh folk. In One Summer In Rome  the challenges of facing disability and prejudice must be overcome. In Game of Scones Pippa gives up the rat race and seeks the simple life on a Greek island – will she be able to adapt to life without her executive luxuries?

Goodies – that’s the best word I have for adding things to your novel that make people feel great. We’re talking… beautiful locations like sunny Italy or scrumptious Cornwall. How about setting your novel in a cake shop? Yes it’s been done before but I don’t think those locations will ever stop a book being more appealing. Talking of food, mozzarella, tomato, cheese… One Summer In Rome is set in a cosy pizzeria – what could make you feel better than that?! Oh, and pets. Warm scenes can often be created with animals. In The New Beginnings Coffee Club a small kitten helps turn around the life of a little girl. And there is a micro pig called Frazzle for added cuteness in Mistletoe Mansion. In One Summer In Rome a stray dog reveals a hidden kind side to a rather aggressive character. “Goodies” will leave the reader glowing from tip to toe.

Best of luck! If your story makes you feel good then there’s no doubt it will the reader too!