During one session in recovery services I was asked to think of something in my life that I’d achieved – and then to analyse how I’d done that. It could be anything that had taken work and time – passing an exam, frequently getting out of the house whilst feeling depressed, saving to buy house, leaving an abusive marriage… the discussion amongst the group was very interesting.

For me I thought about getting published and as I spoke the parallels between that process and getting sober appeared.

It took me eight years to get a deal. During that time I got rejection after rejection. But I picked myself up after the initial tears and kept on writing and submitting my manuscripts.

And during the first few weeks of being in addiction services I kept on stopping drinking – but slipping again. So I tried again. And again.

I remember similar senses of entitlement. When I sent off my first ever manuscript I was upset but also kind of baffled that I received a rejection… I thought that completing a novel was amazing enough to gain a publisher! In the same way, I thought it was enough to finally take the plunge and get into addiction services. I expected the group sessions to magically get me sober; that I was kind of owed that recovery in the same way I’d thought, all those years ago, that I was owed a publishing deal.

Then it hit me about six weeks into treatment: I was going to have to do this myself – albeit with the facilitators’ advice. And I was going to have to work bloody hard at it – just like the writing. No one else would write and polish and submit my novels. It was important to learn my craft and take advice form other authors and How To books etc etc… but, ultimately, it was going to be down to me.

There were big hurdles along the way to achieving both my goals of being published and staying sober. An agent chased me at one point but, ultimately, told me to move on, they were no longer interested. And, three months into recovery, I relapsed. Both of these set-backs were hard and getting through the first helped with the second. Trying to get published had taught me there was no point in pity parties. All I could do was pick myself up and carry on working towards my goal.

That’s the key. Taking it one day at a time. If I’d thought ahead when I’d first started writing, and considered that it might take me YEARS to get a deal, I wonder if I’d have carried on. And when I first went into addiction services would I have stayed there if I’d known about the day to day, month to month, year to year, challenges ahead?

Because it has been hard. The first half of this year was very wobbly for my recovery. But I got through it, one day at a time, not thinking about the future, not thinking about the past.

A therapist suggested I write a positivity diary to help with my mental health issues. Each day I was told to write down a couple of good things about myself. It was hard at first but, over time, it helped change my low opinion of myself. So if you are struggling to get published, do the same to make yourself realise that you ARE  progressing. Perhaps today you finished a difficult chapter or took another rejection on the chin. Write that down. Or keep a daily word count, however big or small. It’s the sum of all these very important little things that, in time, will help you achieve the bigger ones.

Of course, one can never get complacent. Even though I’m about to have my 12th novel The Christmas Calendar Girls published, I am only ever one breath away from a potentially bad review or a downturn in sales. Even though I am 1000 days sober I am only one breath away from relapsing again. The working hard and learning must never stop.

Good luck with your goals. Forget the what ifs and if onlys. Focus on what you are doing and achieving in the present moment and that will be all the magic you need to get there

“This year I will get published.”

“This year I’ll stop drinking.”

Over the years I’ve pledged to reach career heights or sort out all my mental health issues within the space of twelve months.

And every time I’ve failed to reach my set goal. Is it any wonder?

I’d advise you to look carefully at any resolution you make and give it a good edit. Pare it down to the minimum – otherwise you are going to end up disheartened and disappointed.

Let’s take my example of pledging to get published. For a number of years I vowed I would accomplish this but it’s impossible. It didn’t matter how hard I worked, so much of achieving that target is out of an author’s control. Your manuscript has to fall into the hands of the right agent and publisher, and for commercial fiction it has to be suited to the market and your writing needs to be at the top of your game…

So, in time, I learned to make my writing resolutions more realistic. For example “This year I will polish my manuscript and send it out to ten agents” or “This year I will enter some writing competitions and if I can save enough money pay have an editorial report done on my current work-in-progress.” There are many steps to getting published and it is far more satisfying, as time passes, to tick off each one as you accomplish it. Appreciating the journey and looking at it as a series of smaller parts will make it far more likely you’ll reach that ultimate destination.

And this applies once you have signed your first publishing contract. Hands up, secretly I still covet that film deal and stroll down the red carpet. But if I made that my New Year’s resolution, the likelihood is I’m going to feel like a massive failure by the end of the year when I haven’t cast Jason Momoa in the lead of my latest novel or been interviewed on Graham Norton’s sofa!

My resolutions to stop drinking were also unrealistic. Like publishing, the journey to sobriety is made up of many steps. But I’d try in one giant leap and just stop point blank without changing any other aspect of my life. Of course, I would fall off the wagon by the end of January (or often its first week) and feel like a complete loser. Addiction services and AA helped me to refine and edit my goals.

For example, I had quirky routines around my drinking and one was that I’d never allow myself to start before 6.40pm. So a first step – a first resolution, a first small change – was to break this habit by going for a coffee, having a bath, cooking or taking up a hobby at that specific time each day, instead. And doing this was the first step to stopping drinking all together. Each day I managed this, it inspired me to continue my journey.

So go and edit your resolution. Step back from the bigger picture. Analyse exactly what it is you really need to do, to reach your ultimate target. For example to you need to lose two stone? Perhaps resolve to cut out snacks and get off the bus one stop early to walk, as a starting point, instead of embarking on a crash diet.

The photo below is of a writer who’s had highs and lows but has learnt to appreciate ALL the special moments along the way, big or small, such as great reader feedback, foreign rights sales or simply an editor’s enthusiasm. It’s also of a woman who this week turned two years sober. Oh I slipped after three months, and picked up again – that taught me a lot. And I still have days where I want to drown my problems in a bottle of wine. But I don’t. I continue to pursue my goal, one day and one task at a time, relishing the smaller milestones and victories that keep pushing me forwards to living my dream.

And – most importantly of all –  I don’t beat myself if I fail at the target I’ve set myself.

As Nelson Mandela once said:

“I never lose. I either win or learn.”